funiture and alter ego's

uhm. i'm out of free furniture from the side of the road now...

i really, really like my new bench though :)
(in case ya couldn't tell, the above photos are of the bench--start to finish.)

oh! and look at the new shelves i have in my office. i was so excited about this, i almost cried.


hmmm. that's all i have to say tonight, i guess. i thought i had more...but i haven't seen this episode of star trek yet and i keep getting distracted.

oh. did you see lady gaga at the vma's last night? well, neither did i, as i don't have anything more than a couple channels, which i never watch anyway (star trek's on netflix). anyway, when i saw her online this morning, i saw that she showed up as jo calderone--the alter-ego that i posted a pic of the other day. seriously...love it, even in real life, not just photos. she's just wonderful...all around. also, i think i like adele now. i mean, i did, kinda, before, but so did everyone else...now i think i might actually like her, much like, well, okay, everyone else. remember when garth brooks was chris gaines? that seemed weirder to me than gaga for some reason. i mean seeing garth brooks in eye makeup was just odd...it seems more normal to see gaga as jo.

i fogot how to open the door, maybe?

so, all the above photos are old...but, i've been really creatively crazy feeling (i KNOW the seasons are getting close to changing when i get like this...the change into fall is absolutely the hardest...my favorite type of year. anything for inspiration, anyone who can give that to me, anything that can assist...i love it all.) so yeah, i sat down at my computer last night and realized that i suck and have nothing new to edit; so, out came the hard drive and yeah, been focused on the sky heavy photos lately, hence the above collection.

also, last night, it was pointed out to me that i'm a recluse. and i hadn't thought about it fully, but yeah. i'm incredibly reclusive lately...okay, more than lately, like for a year now, and then some. i try to look at in terms of what i've accomplished in that time, not where i haven't gone or who i haven't hung out with. i mean, the volunteer opportunities, the jobs, the learning w/my photography, right?? it's been two years since i went out dancing and near likewise with the bar/karaoke/social scene. i only go out if i can't be home because there's a guys night happening...and in that case i just drive over to my bff's house and crash there. i go to my cabin too and occasionally, i go thrifting, alone. i don't even throw parties anymore, because it's too many people--though i did make an appearance at my bff's house party a couple weeks ago. that was fun. good times. but, because i forgot how to talk to people, i got really drunk and rambled on all night to a tattoo'd chick who's as odd as me. she's actually pretty much all i talked to. it was also pointed out to me, through a different part of the same conversation, that the only real confidence i have is within what my lens captures. hmmm. not surprising really, i had just never really thought about it before.

i don't know what to do about any of the above found knowledge...nor do i care about it that much. i mean, it's not anything i'm gonna try to do anything about...maybe i'll go out one of these days, or something, but that's about it. fall isn't gonna help this situation though. with my new job, i will have every thursday, day off (i teach one afternoon class), so, maybe i'll make it a point to do something, anything, that day...instead of what i had been planning--talk shows and licorice. (okay. talk shows and licorice once a month, maybe...)

bet your saturday night is cooler...

so, uhm...i was driving by the above scene and i actually ran back home for my camera. i mean, i guess, this is normal? to have children, care-freely, playing right next to a military machine that's primarily used for destroying things and killing people? then again, i spose one might argue that the reason those children get to play freely is because of the men who, at one time, drove that tank? or, maybe that's the point...to make the kiddo's feel comfortable around war machines so someday, they'll be comfortable driving them? who knows. the whole thing was odd but that's cool...because, honestly, i'm probably the only one who saw anything in this scene anyway; and well, knowing me, i've already way overthought it, but that's okay, i'm fine with my overthinkyness. (shush. it's a real thing.)

seriously though...they probably stuck it there cuz it was the only place that had any room--and putting it in front of the tank would have been totally weird and wrong. ya know, simplest answer and what not...

oh. so get this...last night, i watched my first woody allen flick and all i can say is that i think i'm in love. i saw a 'newer' movie, murder mystery in manhattan, and it was awesome. well, all except the dreams that followed. i kept dreaming about my typewriter, and that i was writing, and that it wouldn't work right and whenever i typed, the letters got stuck and then, when they did hit the paper, the ink was too light to see. it was so frustrating. i blame woody allen...though it coulda been the tater tots and tabasco i ate too...who knows for sure...

okay. back to spray painting furniture from the side of the road and listening to garrison keilor. (yup. my title is in complete reference to that sentence.) ((oh! check out what i did in my office...it was a Mondrian inspired project that actually ended up looking pretty cool when i finished. the photos are all oldies from my grandma and are from '79-'83. the frames were given to me, in case i wanted them, from my guy's aunt...she was gonna toss 'em, otherwise. i threw them in the garage so they could go out in the trash next week, but then, i got inspired. they turned out to be perfect.))

i love her as him

okay. just an observation...but my work just keeps getting darker. wonder what the deal with that is? like, if you look at my stuff from awhile ago, my emphasis was on color, brightness and contrast...now, now it's on, well...dark vs. light (as opposed to simply contrasting/complimentary colors), drama, muted color tones and i feel like my stuff is getting quieter and more subdued rather than being so loud. i wonder if there are art shrinks? like...someone who reads you through art? or, if, this progression is just normal growth. i'm guessing normal growth. because, well, obviously i'm totally normal. not crazy. at all.

eh. who cares.

here's what really matters.

i know you've been dying to know what i watched after 9-5 last night, and if i ate potato chips.

well...here's the scoop. i watched...wait for it...gulliver's travels! yup. i did! well...i only got to the part where sam is on the island of giants and on the table dancing before i fell asleep, but, i will finish it. tonight. hopefully.

and as for the chips. no. sadly, i did not consume any of that deliciousness. it was too late and my butt is already too big. tonight, i plan to eat brocolli and onions for dinner again, but this time, i'm gonna add soy chicken and maybe, if i'm feeling crazy, some cheese too. i know. calm down there...cheese is pushin' it...but, i'm feeling like living on the edge a bit tonight.

oh! speaking of on the edge...did you see the photo for lady gaga's latest song?? oh. i did. and wow. i'll post it in a sec... (though i don't know why i just wrote that because to you, it won't matter, you'll have seen it the moment you started reading this huge mess.) ((and the song is called 'you and i'...which has nothing to do with being on the edge. except her last song was 'on the edge of glory' which made me think in that weird chain. also...if you give a mouse a cookie, or moose a muffin, or pig a pancake, or cat a cupcake or somethin' like that...)) the video that goes with it is also incredible...well, i think so, because it's totally weird. the cornfield part is the best when she's the boy and girl. sigh. love it.

okay. going now. gonna go create an amazing dinner...or somethin' like that...

hip chips

(i <3 this city :) )

well, it's saturday night and i'm hangin' out, in bed, with a big, stinky, dog, watching a 31 year old movie and eating a mix of broccoli, onions and salt.

hmmm...ya know...sometimes, i think i'm so hip...but then, reality hits and well, i'm a huge square; a lot like a cheez-it. except, i'm not cool enough to be orange; i'm more like a potato chip colored cheez-it.

the broccoli concoction is really good btw; and the movie, 9-5, is awesome. i seriously want to be dolly ca. 1980 and i SO want her wardrobe from this flick. the dog just left though...but really, i can't say i blame her. my food stinks and this movie doesn't have any animals to entertain her.

wonder what i should watch after this??



i want potato chips.

1/2 a convo with an imaginary friend...i know. i bore me too.

hi.
i know. it's weird.
whatever.
i get it, but i'm still here.
dude. it's like a skeleton...but not.
i miss the blood and the guts but not what it turned into. it got so ugly.
then it got all brittle and friggen shattered when the breeze came.
like catching things and eating insides and stuff.
and probably, well, yeah. or yah.
not sick but not well, whatevs, flagpole sitta.
all the shit that got so messy is what pisses me off the most.
like, no effin shit.
saw it coming from the start.
not much of a surprise, like a bad party.
too stupid to move out of the way.
stood there to see how bad the train would hurt and then cried like freakin babies when it did.
pointing fingers.
blaming.
two narcissists whining about how everything is everyone else and believing it too.
never stopping to help each other up, not even once.
both playing the victim.
it is what we do.
then harbor resentment at whoever doesn't fix it.
i think i'm watching a&e cuz spock's narrating.
i'm so predictable.
prolly saw this convo comin'.
yeah.
i know.
me too.
go figure.
i'm done. just had to get this shit off my chest into the world where it's all free and stuff because, well, that's what i do.
i ramble.
cuz i get stuck sometimes...like a stupid skippin' cd.
i've been skippin' a lot in my head...ramblin' on in there like rainman and stuff.
just. yeah.

i'm sick of listening to my nonsense too...

maybe i should just go back to spock. er...i mean leonard nemoy. he's waiting patiently for my epic return from this blogstraction.

night.

'night

okay. i don't have much to say. (as most times i start rambling.) but i had to say that today...the whole workshop/corporate/blah thing went amazing. i have never been more welcomed into a community as i was with my new coworkers; people even went out of their way to welcome me to the staff and offer any assistance, at any time. it was wonderful. i get to actually see my office and figure out where everything is at my school on monday; i am beyond excited. it hit me today...for the first time in my life, i get to call principals and teachers by their first name...they're now my coworkers :) i am so excited to jump in and see what i can do around that place.

and uhm. that's all.

oh. the random photos above...here's what happened. so, i was driving along in my automobile and i saw free stuff. and i love free stuff. i randomly pick it up...only if i have an immediate use for it, if the material can be re-finished, oh, and if it smells good. so yes, i was driving, and i saw it, and i did a u-turn in the middle of the street because i had to pick up the above photoed piece. i'll admit, it's not the most sturdy piece, but it's versatile and beautiful looking...so, it's a winner. i got it home, repaired the broken arm, washed it, sanded it and will be re-painting, distressing and sealing it this weekend. i'm thinking a rusty orange...but i have no idea yet. the other picture is what happened to my legs (excuse the fatness of them); though my shirt, arms and face were just as bad. (i'm actually still blowing black dust from my nose.) the last picture is when i finally quit and made dinner. i figured i should feed my kid at some point.

i'm sure i'll post more eventually...but for now, i'm completely boring myself in my writing. i've been chattin' with an old friend and would like to keep devoting time to her and not be all distracted; plus, with the new job and stuff i'm feeling kinda floaty and focused elsewhere.

these are the voyages...

(been shootin...just not posting...)

so, uhm...in totally unrelated news, i'm going back to the cube. i know, i know...i remember last time too--this is different though, i swear.

this cube is within a school that's ten miles away, on the back roads, and allows me all the same time off as my kid, plus allows me to be with her before and after school, plus allows me to still teach the middle school art class that i love and don't want to give up.

i'm not sure how this all came about, nor why i was chosen to be hired--but i have been beyond thankful and feeling incredibly blessed to be able to combine talents, passions and career. (i also thank all my 'wasted' time volunteering places...as what i am hired to do works directly with parent volunteers--much like what i was, during my girl scout camp adventures.)

anyway...tomorrow, i'm back in business attire and attending a workshop. i think i'm okay with this, though part of me feels as if i'm simply returning to corporate from a two year long vacation--for now though, i'll continue to watch this episode of star trek and regret not feeding myself better today.

laundry day

the above collection of photos are from a series entitled, 'procrastination'.

i got a little laundry done. kinda.

hey. read somethin'.

(yeah. i got nothin' today...so, random screenshot that illustrates my log entry below, it is...)

really great blogs for the not 'normal' person.
(yeah. you. you're not 'normal' and pretending and boasting about how you really ARE normal actually makes you crazier. yup. it does, cuz i said so and so would any doctor. and it's so obvious. being so embarrassed that you have to lie to yourself and others needs to end. it's time. it's not weakness. now. go read. and have a laugh at your own expense. or connect with someone who makes you think deeper about who you actually are and maybe brings you closer to that perfectly not normal self that you are. it's okay. )

(not-normal-person...aka: anyone dealing with any depression/anxiety ((raises hand))/overcreativity-that-manifests-into-insanity-if-not-fully-used-in-a-timely-manor ((raises hand, again))/ADHD ((raises hand and then uses said hand to grab another project that'll undoubtedly never be finished))/postpartum/bipolar/alcoholism, and therapies/treatments/stigma's and coping techniques surrounding all of the above listed.

ya know, now that i think of it, with all that stuff listed above...maybe 'normal' is the minority making all of the above the 'norm'? i mean really...who the hell is 'regular?' everyone's something. i like reading the words of people who aren't ashamed of who they are...makes me feel proud of me, in all my whiny, codependent, ocd, adhd, sorta ways :) (well, not like carry a flag kinda proud, but more like not hide it under a big 'ol sweatshirt sorta proud.)

so yeah, go read! i'm loving what i'm finding within those bloggy walls...

i'll get over it. like always.

(a little collage from the week...)

since last sunday, i have driven just about 500 miles, hiked through severe storms and heat advisory's with a girl scout troop, mowed a half acre lawn, made a cake for one get together and dinner for seven people at another one, cleaned my house, handmade some cards, hosted a super fun sleepover, attended and supplied food for a potluck family reunion, taken in (and bathed) my dad's dog while he's in sturgis and attended a big, welcome home/happy bday party with people i didn't even know.

and this past week felt wonderful until i got yelled at because i didn't bathe the dog in time, and she lives with cats, and my guy's allergic to cat's, and i had to be an hour late to my family reunion because he didn't sleep good. it felt like punishment and i'm still upset about it and it kind of ruined that feeling of accomplishment i had...i mean, not totally, but i feel like people focus on flaws for longer than they focus on positives. focusing on flaws tends to make others feel better about themselves, maybe? i think it's natural, but knowing that the one thing i screwed up on, was the reason i showed up an hour late for something that was important to me, and my other family members, sucks. i showed up stressed. and embarrassed. and with my self-esteem lacking. and completely insecure about how i looked.

this feeling of not being good enough is absolutely my biggest weakness...that's no secret to anyone who knows me. i need to work harder on that apparently; but, for now, i should really apologize about still being upset, because this weekend's been hard to get through because of me.

day two, rain delay

well. day two of camp came and went. the pictures above pretty much say it all...we showed up and the one road in was blocked by a fallen tree and stuck van. i spent an hour, in the pouring rain, helping to free the driver and watch the extra kids (whose parents were also helping) as well as relay messages to the buses of girls showing up and waiting on word as to what to do next. bottom line, day two, i ended up soaked and muddy and, again, super thankful for waterproof hiking boots.

ugh.

tomorrow, the weather isn't calling for massive t-storms and copious amounts of rain. thank goodness too; i'm gettin' sick of being soggy.

tomorrow also calls for an out-of-town-family, dinner (after camp), and it'd be super nice to not show up all drowned-rat looking. i'll bring a change of clothes, to keep in the car (so i can pack my cams) and i've got my hair twisted now and should, in theory, just be able to pull it down, along the way tomorrow, for some rockin' curls.

woah. why am i writing about my hair plans? how boring. well, see...i'm watching this show called, 'heavy', so, i'm slightly distracted. it's not the best show ever, or anything, but i keep losing my train of thought with this blog. maybe that's a sign i should wrap it up...

it was, well, a day

(this was the aftermath of the storm i hiked through. why do i not hike more? i mean, minus the storms and stuff...)

girl scout camp: day one.

well...actually it all started with night one. i had a major issue (near breakdown) because i couldn't fit both my film and digi camera in my backpack without losing something major, like water or rain gear. my guy figured out a great way to strap my thermos into the tripod straps and it totally worked and i said screw the rain gear. however, when i got up today, it was pouring...so, to save the camera's, and myself, i was forced to swap them out for the 'ol poncho. (which, btw, turned out to be a solid idea, considering i found myself in the middle of the woods, hiking through a severe thunder storm warning. i've never seen so many bolts of lightening, up so closely. it was gorgeous and yes...totally unsafe.) i had amazing hiking boots on, 100% waterproof, which completely saved my day. i couldn't imagine that final hike with soaked feet; or, going through the day that way. it literally rained from the moment we got there until the moment we left.)

tomorrow will (should) be better? the trick now though...drying my backpack enough to pack both camera's...who needs rain gear?