i write so i don't freak...yep honey, you're welcome

(today...i remembered them. finally, i brought the cloth bags shopping. i've had them for four months...)

ahhhh...my mind is a mess today. i have so many things running dizzily through it. let me open it up for a moment so it can spill out into words--and it doesn't explode into a nasty mess all over my kitchen...that i would inevitably end up having to clean up.

ok, here comes a tiny sample...ready, set, GO...

i don't understand the inability to place your shopping in the cart-coral where it belongs...lazy asses. i don't feel like i'm pulling my weight in my own family. britney spears is a sad story and i miss that one time when she wore that big snake like a necklace. i need to start taking the bus...the way i figure it, it costs me 3/4 of what i make in one day to drive to work for the week. money is a terrible thing and i wish that i had a rich relative that i've never met and nobody liked die and leave all their money to me. now i feel guilty about saying that--even though i did specify that nobody likes them, damn. we had bad news on the job front today, so money is quite prevalent in my already over-loaded brain, can ya tell...? and then there's my guys health issues...i don't even know how to talk about that. i still didn't get the rest of my kids b-day invitations out today, but; i do love my hair today; every time i walk by a widow i vainly have to look at it for a sec...the whole weird, crooked, scraggly bang thing is quite me. i really wish it were garage sale season and i'm really in the mood to go fishing. i want to enter some crap in an exhibit coming up but can't overcome the fear of rejection and the lack of funds. i wonder why i have that fear all the time...except when i dance...i danced like a two-legged dog humping a tree the other night but couldn't have cared less. now i can't stop thinking about that two-legged dog...where the hell did i come up with that anyway? i keep wondering how the white stripes keep winning all those grammys. i mean, they're kinda good, but not really so much, and i've never met anyone who's a big fan; hell, i've met young people who are bigger moody blues fans than anyone i've ever met who's a white stripes fan. did that make any sense to anyone but me...? no, oh well. it worked in my head.

do you see what i mean? about the overloaded brain thing? it's ridiculous and, god, so random. i'm not into drugs and i don't drink much but shit, sometimes i feel like i do...or that i should start, i'm not sure yet. i have no channel for any of this lately because it's 15 degrees below zero outside and the thought of even checking my mail is painful...so i don't. i don't know if i should cry, write, go for a walk, play video games, paint something, surf the web, watch a movie or laugh. writing seems to be helping a bit, and listening to, and singing along with, jordan sparks is working wonders...i don't know why, but her painfully annoying and way too poppy tattoo song is music to my ears tonight. oh, did i mention i almost lost an eye today due to my kid rockin out on the pots and pans with a wooden spoon. the damn thing splintered and fired at me. it hit my eyebrow. we had a good laugh and then they got taken away.