david duchovny, why don't you love me?

(please excuse the tripod-less pic of one of my favorite foods...once, a long time ago, while, um, let's just say, somewhere up in the clouds, i decided fried egg whites with fried cheese on top would be great. turns out, it is)

tonight, i was handed 150 dollars and told to leave. i've been here, inside, for days taking care of my guy who just had surgery and my kid who is well, acting as if we've been stuck inside for days. it was the nicest thing ever. i went clearance shopping and got new sketcher shoes, two skirts, a pair of plaid pants, lotion, a red necklace, a bra, two shirts, mascara, a couple of lip glosses, a hair thingy and slew of bath/shower stuff. i spent 100 and called it a night. i hate being appeased by shopping. i really do, but i'm telling you...i went from cooped up and bored feeling to fresh, new and flirty feeling. it's so weird. i'm glad i only do this about once or twice a year. i would be so broke...well, even broker...otherwise. i love, more than buying stuff, just looking for deals. it's like treasure hunting...it's why i love garage sales so much.

on a totally unrelated note...i happen to be on this mark wahlberg kick lately. right now i'm watching boogie nights. last night it was rockstar. ya know, those two movies are so similar in so many ways. the main difference is one highlights a young up-and-comer into the rock world. the other one highlights a young up-and-comer into the world or porn...hmmm, when ya think about it...i guess that's kinda the same anyway, huh? oh, and on an only somewhat related note, due to my recent discovery of the show californication, my david duchovny obsession has returned. i don't know what it is about that sexy beast of a man, but dammit he's hot. he's so much hotter now than ever before. i even found myself walking down an isle in target tonight fantasizing about him. mr. duchovny dominated my 90's, and now...my manly mulder is back...and hot damn is he sexy in californication. ewww...i talk like a freak when i talk about him. i don't know what happens to me. sorry.

all that glitters is gold

when i was like five, maybe six, or possibly even seven, i used to be a photographer. my specialty was portraits...group portraits to be exact. i would round up either my favorite, most photogenic, or prettiest colored stuffed animals and then hunt around my apartment for the ideal shooting location. it usually fell under a house plant of some sort; or, near our third story window that overlooked a sea of potholed black top...the scenery, to a child, is always beautiful in the imagination. i would take my time lining everyone up either from tallest to shortest, shortest to tallest, based on color or, as superficial as this may be, based on favoritism and then i would snap away. the result was always perfection in my eyes...the same eyes that viewed that bumpy black gravel as an ocean of diamonds and glitter in the hot july sun mind you. sometimes, i would cut the head off of someone, or shoot things way too low but, in the end, i was always satisfied. i still have those pictures. they live at my dad's house now. all of my childhood models lived there as well until the great lighting bolt and consequent fire of '02. it destroyed them all, except for maybe three. the little guy pictured above is one of the survivors. he's always been a favorite. purchased from a garage sale back in the mid-eighties, he's been with me for twenty or so years now--and he still smells of the same strange funk he's always smelled of. garage sale stuffed animals just scream germs...so one day, my mom threw him in the laundry. when he came out, the smell emanating from him was indescribable. he's filled with beans so it was a damp, soaked bean smell that haunted my entire room for months, but i never minded it. in fact, being that he was such a favorite, for so many years, i actually grew to somewhat enjoy the stench. still, to this day, i catch myself taking a big whiff of that little guy just to again see that glitter in the rocky asphalt of life.

love, thank you for looking at me as i looked at those stuffed animals...and thank you for believing in who i am instead of focusing on what i'm not. thank you for fueling me to go further than anyone else ever has and thank you for investing in me...

green eggs and ham...how tired i am

(both my grandma and i got my kid flowers for her birthday...simplicity is so beautiful, and so appreciated)

ya know, i can't help but reading all of these reports talking about foreclosure rates skyrocketing, inflation at the pumps and the ever rising prices of groceries--without thinking somewhere deep down...well, no effin shit america. i mean seriously. every balloon deflates eventually, just ask any pre-schooler.

everything we do keeps getting bigger: our jeeps are now hummers, our size eight is now a fourteen, our large is now king size...well, you get it...all i'm saying is, no effin shit america. what's going to suck the most about the impending recession is all the panicky idiots who think that life is over as we know it and that we're all doomed...well, i for one think, it's about damn time we catch up to the rest of the world.

we're not kings, our roads are really not made of gold; well, visa says they are...and, if we would have woken up from our immigrant disillusionment 100 years ago, maybe, just maybe, we all wouldn't be in so much debt and trouble now. yes, rising prices suck. yes, four dollars a gallon is going to blow, but ya know what...cut back. buy your veggies from a market, take a bus every once in awhile, save those old sour cream containers for something, grow your own flowers, get crafty and get creative. the ever-suffering environment will benefit and you might actually even out in the old checkbook. this isn't rocket science and it's not that big of a deal...it's just a change.

how did we, in the last 80 years, go so high and are now falling so low? seriously, that is like an all time, in the history of the world, kind of pathetic. even dinosaurs, with their walnut sized brains, managed to somehow rule the earth for over 160 million years and america goes 80 years before screwing up? now, i'm not cutting everybody down, but obviously, it's the vast majority of us with an issue, otherwise cnn's top story tonight wouldn't be this exact topic. (guess what website i just came from?) and no, i'm not getting all dark and stuff here, but i am concerned. my kid is going to grow up and someday be talking about the good old days when we used to eat at restaurants once a week and go to stores with aisles full of food and how now it's just something the chinese get to do. wow...that did get a little dark and stuff...oopsie.

look, all i'm saying is that if we just would have started doing the right thing years ago we wouldn't be where we're at now. one day, we're going to be saying that about our planet too at this rate. humans, for as smart as we are, are so ridiculously stupid.

ya know, as i wrote that, i started to feel a bit guilty for being just another one of those bloggers--just narcissistic-ly littering the internet with their grandiose ideals, incessant bitching, unremitting whining (all served with a side with a hippy-dippy, can-do attitude by the way), and then i thought...damn straight. yes, i am one of those (and throw your hands up to the soldiers with a big whoop-whoop for giving me the ability so express this bullshit i continuously exude). nah, i'm not too proud of it (being one of those bloggers that is), but damn am i proud to be writing again on a daily basis. i haven't done that since the emo-years, aka, high school when the poetry spewing out of me could only be likened to that of a black make-up wearing, skate-board riding, my chemical romance listening dr. suess. i don't think anyone, ever, came up with more rhymes for the words lost, love, hurt and cry than myself, thank you very much, and then i kinda stopped. like, eh, the drama's gone, i'm livin the daily grind, guess i should just talk american idol and force the grey cube of fulfillment into my circular life...only to wind up miserable and on happy pills in a few years. what's funny about that is that, even though i'm blogging about this shit that makes me kinda nauseous, i'm still feeling better than i have since i wrote all that cracked out dr. suess melodrama while wearing a flannel shirt and listening to TLC. (not that my writing was ever good...but it did scratch that itch that only words can do for me.) jogging works for some i guess and writing works for me. oh, and speaking of jogging, i really need to do some of that too.

oh, an this blog got really long because my man had surgery today and keeps 'falling asleep' every time i start to talk to him...yep, it must be the percocet baby...must be.

a bun in the oven and a loaf with a bow

(yard skiing on a sunny day...it was my little one's first time on ski's. she loved it)

i've decided to become a bread maker.

you see, i've always wanted a trade. like to be a blacksmith or a horse-shoer or a tailor. so, i've decided, thanks in part to martha stuart's magazine, to become a bread maker. it combines my deep love of baking with my lack of funds...not to mention, my hearty enjoyment of different breads...so it's perfect i say! all i need is a kitchen scale to begin the journey into the yeasty abyss that awaits me, beckoning me to rise within the depths of the warmth surrounding me. sorry...i don't know what that was either...i verbally puke here and there...excuse me.

anyway...iris the bread maker. i like it. i'm crafty--i'll need to make a symbol or something though. plus, the number one bonus of all of this...my house will always smell like fresh baked bread.

i plan on wrapping my gourmet, melt-in-your mouth, perfectly textured breads in bows for christmas and hand long loaves of french bread out to everyone i know...along with a collection of gourmet jams or something.

seriously. this is what i want to do...i'm even sober as i write this, i swear. i'm going to hopefully start on this mission tomorrow...i need to get a starter going and apparently those take like a day or two to get all fermenty and stuff...oooh, i'm so excited!

no title...i just turned the tv on and it killed my creativity ok...

(i went for a drive today...i have yet to figure out where i was)

yesterday, i didn't blog. there were a few reasons contributing to my lack of internet input. first, it was just a long day. my kid had her first actual birthday party and it wore me out more than i ever thought it would. thank god for parental support from the parents who have been through this before. i needed some support yesterday and much assistance. i didn't think i would; after all, how hard could it be to keep track of seven children, plus hold conversation, plus serve food, plus help with presents, plus take pictures, plus communicate with the girl leading the kids through their activities, plus get a bite to eat for myself...? thank god for support. it was a great first party though...my kid has memories of her family and her friends and of being the star for the day...it was all so wonderfully worth it.

so yeah, that was reason one.

then, there was reason two...my computer finally bit the dust. it was a long time coming. due to my inability to remember past lessons learned, i really screwed it up...again. my man, being the genius he is, backed all my pics up, wiped my whole computer clean and re-built everything. he did all of this in like an hour. but, by that point i was still so exhausted from the party (and all the rock band i played while trying to relax from the party), that the thought of figuring out all the new computer stuff and writing seemed impossible.

and there, that was reason two.
and finally, here comes reason three...

after an internet free day, i decided to keep it that way. it was wonderful not checking the news or my e-mail and it's amazing how little i really care.

so there, my three reasons for not being around yesterday. i'm off to watch some californication right now. this show is so freakin awesome.

give and take

nothing seems to be working this week and at midnight, on saturday night, i finally give up. no, i have no pic, but i do finally have a working cell phone. no, i have not found my work keys and name badge but i did finally find my house keys and wallet.

oh well. i try.

democracy sucks when you're the one out-voted

two things happened today that led to my dog wearing that shirt: first, target's super clearance rack. second, being out-voted by both my guy and kid. i think dogs in shirts are ridiculous looking. i mean, they just are. they have fur...we don't...we wear clothes, they don't.

his shirt says: what happens on the sidewalk, stays on the sidewalk. all right, so it might be a little funny. but only a little.

crappity crap: that's all i eat and that's all you get

(this, my friends, is what happens when i'm tired. you get crappy pictures of jellybeans)

i eat sugar and that's all lately. the sugary, the better. oh, and i also eat spinach. spinach (cooked and raw) and sugar, but not together, because that would be gross. i'm really busy lately so i think it's iron and sugar energy i'm craving. who knows. i'm going to bed now.

to do or not to do, that is the question

(good morning skyway)

i feel guilty right now about laying here in bed, about watching law and order, about drinking a ginger ale and snacking on mini robin eggs. i have so much that i should be doing.

the dishwasher needs unloading, the garbage needs to go out, my kids party stuff needs to be finished, the toys need to be put away, my grimey shoes need a cleaning, my skin needs lotion, i need to find clothes for tomorrow and i need to figure out where i put my key card for work, as i forgot it today.

i can't relax knowing i need to get all this done but all i want to do is relax and not have to go do anything. it's this conundrum i'm stuck smack dab in the middle of. grrr...just grrr...

lasagna and a sorry

tonight, i discovered that i can do laundry, upload pics from my camera to my laptop, check my myspace e-mail, make sandwiches for tomorrow, deal with my sugared up kid who could not keep her little body in bed where it belonged (it was her b-day today and she o.d.-ed on sugar) and keep an eye on the lasagna in the oven all at the same time. our schedule is going to get nuts so i'm trying to prep as much as possible for it. my schedule, by the grace of god and with the help of my wonderful boss, company and co-workers is the only thing that is going to be malleable in the impending insanity right around our corner. i have to say, i like it to a certain extent. i don't mind eating oatmeal in bed for dinner and i don't mind knowing that, at 10:30, i still have a few more things to do before i finally get to rest. like i said before, i tend to get bored easily so this keeps me interested. maybe all the busy stuff will cure be the cure for my insomnia? hopefully.

oh, and please excuse my blog yesterday. i got carried away. if it weren't for my incessant need to blog everyday due to a personal goal, i would take it down...but i just don't want a blank yet. i got angry and i shouldn't have been so transparent with my emotions. i was though, and i apologize.

oh, and one more thing...how is it that, on the 20th of february, our wind chill is still reaching 40 below zero? i mean, i LOVE winter, but this one is so cold...and long. my camera and i are feeling the uncreative snowy white curtain blanket us in blah and drab...it's a freakin heavy blanket too. not sure what i just said but i said it. it makes sense to me...bottom line, it's hard on the fingers to take pics outside when it's 10 below zero with a wind chill as cold as hitler's heart...hell, even when it's 30 degrees warmer than that it's difficult. i am sick of white pictures...i am sick of gray. my lasagna pic looks great though...nice and warm. and yellowy.

holy hell and a side of blasphemy

(all the puppies got to watch the pbskids.org games today...lucky pups)

so the other day i said a bad thing...well, it wasn't meant bad but because it was said during a text message argument it was construed as bad. look, i was already up to like 700 characters in the text so i simplified the thought. i said, and i quote, "please act like the christian jesus wants you to be. you go to church for reason...this is why i don't believe in church, in christians they're all a bunch of hostile idiots that hide behind their sunday lies." nope, i shouldn't have used the word ALL in that sentence because it's not true. it's not ALL of them... i said this to someone who is being quite hypocritical in their actions right now and when you are arguing that point via text message it's hard to say everything exactly how you want to...so it came out like that.

i do have to say though, when you look around this country, like it or not, i kind of am supported in my own statement. forget politics, war and economy--due the the novel i could write--simply look at what we, as a christian nation, enjoy to watch on tv on any given night. the violence we appear to enjoy is beyond disturbing... csi, prison break, 24, criminal minds and law and order. the gambling...deal or no deal, football...which could go here or in violence i spose. the adulteress, sinful dramas...our soap operas, desperate housewives and moment of truth. you can't tell me, that as this christian nation that's so morally opposed to gay marriage and abortion that these shows are morally acceptable...?

what about the movies we watch? the pop culture we support? the magazines we buy? the trash we so greedily read about other's misfortunes? i know this won't change, but dammit, until one man can legally share his life and a ring with another man i won't change my mind about the 'hypocrite' comment i stated above. until people stop hurting their children in the name of a better car and a bigger house i won't change my mind. until people stop following the flock to church instead of helping our elderly, our homeless, our poor, our children--that due to a pro-life movement are now being abused and in a poverty-ridden home--i will not be changing my mind.

going to church will not change who you are, you will change that. harming another by flipping them off because they drive to slow or looking down on someone due to clothes won't be washed away at the end of the week by an hour in church. the lies are as transparent as the shell these people dwell in. they can boast their holiness, they can frown upon those for not attending their weekly, self-centered, feel good escapade...i don't care...until we look around and really ask ourselves where jesus would want us, we are not real christians. until we are doing the lord's work, selflessly, on a daily basis, we are nothing but the lies the devil hurls in our direction. church is a wonderful place to hide from reality for many people, and so no, i do not take back what i said.

however, upon saying all of this i can tell you from deep down, that i am no place where i want to be spiritually yet...i expect to never be there fully; but, on a minute by minute basis, be trying to be everything i can be. in writing all of what i just wrote, i directly contradict so much of where i want to be, but to know that i am being judged for my beliefs is another place i need to draw the line at.

i live in the midwest, usa, and the words i just wrote are near blasphemous 'round these parts. not going to church seems to cast you as, 'one of those'. but ya know, i am so much more content being one of 'those' than i am being one of 'them'. i refuse to follow, always have...and when someone won't stand...instead of judging them...i'll be the one to ask if they need help...not look down on them from my feet.

this is not all christians though, i promise...like i said, i live in the midwest, the bible belt, and following is way easier than paving your own path...so i see a lot more of this. being part of the community is going to church, plain and simple. i think the more people are doing this to just fit in, the more the hypocrite factor rises.

i do see, and i do know, christians leading simple, good, jesus-led paths with their lives and when they follow him, they are doing it for reasons of their own and for reasons concerning all other humans...not for show. their concern is for the children, the families, the elderly and the weak. their concern is to strengthen their heart with the love they feel from their beliefs, and to strengthen the community...these people are who i strive to model. without several of these people, i would be clueless and alone in my life. without these christians that i admire more than words can describe, i would have walked alone more than once, brought others down that same path and hurt more than i helped. it is because of them and their outward reaching hearts that many lives are changed for the good.

so, no, ALL was too strong of a word to use and i am sorry.

and dad, i do love you and just because i gripe about short guys, christians and the men running our country does not mean i don't. ya don't tease an ugly person about being ugly but you can tease a pretty person about being ugly...if that makes any sense, it does to me. i love you, plain and simple...you are a christian i admire without a shadow of a doubt...

el burro sabe mas que usted

(this is such an old pic...i'm just so excited because i finally found a frame i love for it today)

so we moved nearly four months ago. we haven't really hooked up a tv because we have no need for it. i mean, we don't really watch much and the kid has dvd's...and she goes for days at a time without ever turning it on anyway. we did however, plug the rabbit ear thingies into our tv in the bedroom and nbc kinda comes in, so every now and then i catch law and order or saturday night live. anyway, last night, after snl got over, i still wasn't tired so i started to flip around to see if anything else happened to be viewable and do you know what i found? oh, i'll tell ya...the spanish channel! i have no idea how or why we have it, or if it's even a part of network tv but the point is is that we have it and i'm obsessed. now, for all intensive purposes, i have no idea why i'm not fluent in spanish. i took three years in high school and did really well with it. i worked for eight years in the restaurant industry, hung out outside of work with my spanish speaking co-workers, and even dated a mexican dude for years...no, he didn't speak much spanish but still...i'm trying to prove a point here. so anyway, i love this station. i hate soccer so that's my only hang up, but other than that i just listen. i understand little but am curious about more...one day i will speak it and i will speak fluently.

on this same note, because i had the spanish channel on for an hour or two today, my kid has decided to taunt me with my lack of foreign language skills. four times today i've heard, 'mom, you don't know everything ya know...you don't know spanish.' this has made me more determined to speak fluently so i can shoot back with something in spanish and then tell her to figure it out... i do love that she thinks i know everything but spanish though.

headache and no words

i was busy today with pictures. it was a beautiful day. it made it to almost 30. i have such a terrible headache tonight...it started in my eyes and is now in the back of my neck so i'm going to go to bed. i figure four pics should be enough to take the place of some crappy writing. yeah?

rocking horse...HAH! again, it's clever if you read this blog...

i'm in the middle of playing rockband and the thought of knowing that i'm still supposed to do this blog is getting more annoying by the minute...so while the guys are smoking, i'm writing. i'm gettin to be pretty stinkin good at them drums. i'm fairly fluent on the hard level...well, except with the downloaded metallica. i break a sweat during those songs and then get booed off stage. it's terrible...

11:44, aka, over an hour later...
ok, i went back to the game and now i'm back here. all i see are colored bars coming at me and my foot is killing me. so it goes. oh, well. i am aware that this is the boringist blog ever and i'm ok with that. i am. i have no interest in saying anything else because of the bars flying at me...kinda like the opening credits, in reverse, of star wars...but at warp speed like in star trek.

oh yeah, that picture. so there we were, driving along and there were these horses. now i hate horses but these ones were BEAUTIFUL. they were fuzzy and soft and warm and cuddly looking. i loved them. when we pulled over to look closer they started putting on this mini show for us...they ran to the fence and struck a pose. i thought about sticking one in my trunk. then i remembered that i'm pretty much as broke as i ever have been in life and feeding myself is sometimes hard...so i said goodbye and drove away.

man i'm boring today.

maybe it's a birth defect...? long ass syndrome...? l.a.s.?

(looking at this pic, you might think it's nice out. nope...i couldn't feel my hands after this...i could only feel the burning pain in my fingers)

darn frickin people. darn frickin, self-centered, immature, mean, nasty, spoiled brat. darn frickin people. there, that's all i needed to say about that.

anyway, i saw this boy today in the skyway, i wanted to take his picture but he was kinda scary looking in that, 'i'll shoot you bitch', ghetto sorta way...so, i decided to keep the camera to myself. anyway again, about that boy...he wore his pants down to his knees! i mean, i'm not trying to sound all old and stuff, like, 'oh them kids nowadays...back in my day boys were respectable...', nah...truth is, i'm total awe of this art form. see, i wear those low rise things...ya know, gap: ultra low rise...stretch, and i have issues keeping them up. well, they don't just fall down or anything, but i do spend a good portion of my day doing that tugging thing. it's annoying. but this boy, his pants, they were comfortably at his knees and he didn't even walk that penguin-y. it was amazing. i found myself following that boy...for too long, staring at his ass. then it got weird...like i was gonna rob him or something...he was too cool to turn around and see me though. he just kept strolling through the skyway until he ditched me in that yummy smelling parking ramp staircase. and when i say ditch, i mean ditch...he took off through that door so fast, ran around the corner and i never saw him again.

sarah, i hope your night at work is going wonderful. sorry you're so bored that you're stuck reading this...and sorry because it wasn't even that good.

board game playin bears

tonight, not only did i lose this board game to my kid, but also to a beenie baby bear. it sucked. i'm going to go shave my legs now. my kid thought they had pepper spilled on them. gross. last night was the last night i will ever have a sleep over at my house on a work night too by the way. i am beyond tired today. it's amazing what two kids can still find to do at midnight.

licorice whip gonna whip your ass...

(this is not a ford advertisement...i swear)

today makes yesterday's emotional roller coaster seem like a breath of fresh air. so how have i coped you ask...well, i pretend you ask for the sake of this blog...by eating, that's how. only every now and then do i do that, it's a special coping mechanism reserved for super hard stuff. i've probably put down 2500 calories today...ok, so i didn't eat that much...it's just that 80% of those calories came in the form of sugar.

see that licorice in my hand up there...? well, that's the licorice that almost made me crash my truck. how, you ask (in my imagination)? oh, i'll tell ya how...see, it's cold, today made it to 10 i think, and i left a bag of pull-and-peels in my truck all day. well, after work, i got in my vehicle and REALLY wanted one but, because of the cold, they were rock hard. so, without thinking twice, i stuck a piece in between my thighs to let it warm up. that would have been fine, except i drive a stick, and that stick requires a clutch, which requires me to move my legs a lot, which makes it hard to keep anything tucked in between the old thighs. but, being that my day had been difficult, i found it more important to keep warming the licorice up to a chewable temperature than it was to drive safe. so, when i saw a red light, i slowly and carefully went to hit the clutch, throw the truck into neutral, push the brake and come to a stop...unfortunately, it went more like this...slowing, slowing, slowing, OMG THAT CAR AHEAD OF ME IS REALLY CLOSE NOW...HIT THE BRAKE FAST!! so, i did; i hit the brake, dropped my licorice, and got pissed because now i had sandy licorice. when i picked it up though, i was pleasantly surprise to find that now it was at a chewable consistency and i could eat it! oh, i was also really grateful that i didn't crash into that car ahead of me. that would have made me eat like another thousand calories today...

i write so i don't freak...yep honey, you're welcome

(today...i remembered them. finally, i brought the cloth bags shopping. i've had them for four months...)

ahhhh...my mind is a mess today. i have so many things running dizzily through it. let me open it up for a moment so it can spill out into words--and it doesn't explode into a nasty mess all over my kitchen...that i would inevitably end up having to clean up.

ok, here comes a tiny sample...ready, set, GO...

i don't understand the inability to place your shopping in the cart-coral where it belongs...lazy asses. i don't feel like i'm pulling my weight in my own family. britney spears is a sad story and i miss that one time when she wore that big snake like a necklace. i need to start taking the bus...the way i figure it, it costs me 3/4 of what i make in one day to drive to work for the week. money is a terrible thing and i wish that i had a rich relative that i've never met and nobody liked die and leave all their money to me. now i feel guilty about saying that--even though i did specify that nobody likes them, damn. we had bad news on the job front today, so money is quite prevalent in my already over-loaded brain, can ya tell...? and then there's my guys health issues...i don't even know how to talk about that. i still didn't get the rest of my kids b-day invitations out today, but; i do love my hair today; every time i walk by a widow i vainly have to look at it for a sec...the whole weird, crooked, scraggly bang thing is quite me. i really wish it were garage sale season and i'm really in the mood to go fishing. i want to enter some crap in an exhibit coming up but can't overcome the fear of rejection and the lack of funds. i wonder why i have that fear all the time...except when i dance...i danced like a two-legged dog humping a tree the other night but couldn't have cared less. now i can't stop thinking about that two-legged dog...where the hell did i come up with that anyway? i keep wondering how the white stripes keep winning all those grammys. i mean, they're kinda good, but not really so much, and i've never met anyone who's a big fan; hell, i've met young people who are bigger moody blues fans than anyone i've ever met who's a white stripes fan. did that make any sense to anyone but me...? no, oh well. it worked in my head.

do you see what i mean? about the overloaded brain thing? it's ridiculous and, god, so random. i'm not into drugs and i don't drink much but shit, sometimes i feel like i do...or that i should start, i'm not sure yet. i have no channel for any of this lately because it's 15 degrees below zero outside and the thought of even checking my mail is painful...so i don't. i don't know if i should cry, write, go for a walk, play video games, paint something, surf the web, watch a movie or laugh. writing seems to be helping a bit, and listening to, and singing along with, jordan sparks is working wonders...i don't know why, but her painfully annoying and way too poppy tattoo song is music to my ears tonight. oh, did i mention i almost lost an eye today due to my kid rockin out on the pots and pans with a wooden spoon. the damn thing splintered and fired at me. it hit my eyebrow. we had a good laugh and then they got taken away.

a bang from a door (that's actually a clever title if you read this blog. i swear.)

(i screwed this pic up with the shutter speed...but, needed a challenge so, ta-da, here it is...a much cooler looking alley by my work)

yep, last night, i got three hours, on the dot, for sleep. i had a great day, as planned. i got so much done today. it was wonderful.

hmmm...what to ramble about tonight... oh yeah. i know. i have two things...first off, i woke up on friday morning, stretched, yawned, crawled out of bed and thought to myself, i'm going to go cut my bangs right now. so i did. i said a speedy good morning to the kid and the man as i ran down the hallway toward the bathroom. i grabbed the scissors and chopped them off. it was almost six inches of hair...and big clumps of six inches of hair. so, after chopping for quite some time, i looked in the mirror and thought to myself, hey, it looks like my kid did this, cool. then i went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth.

why am i talking about all this ridiculous stuff i do? because. look, i got three hours of sleep last night and these are the depths of my thoughts today.

so yesterday, yes i was on my cell phone while i did this, i closed a garage door on my head. doesn't that just sound pathetic? well, that's because it was. here's how it happened: i was talking to my sister on my cell and my garage door isn't automatic, so i have to go pull the door down manually. i had the phone on my shoulder, a target bag in one hand and i was on my tip toes trying to reach that damn door when i finally got it and started to pull. well, when you have a phone pinned in-between your shoulder it's really hard to keep looking up, so i just pulled. and the next thing ya know, it was on my head. it hurt, my phone fell (this all happened because i was trying NOT to drop it in the first place), and i yelled. my sister was all like, ummm...what'd ya do? it didn't even occur to her that someone might have attacked me or something, it was, what did YOU do... oh well, at least i'm consistent....well, that's how i sell it anyway.

4:10 and it's finally time to sleep

no, i have no picture today. and yes, it's 4:12 in the morning and i just got home...i just got home from 8:00 yesterday morning. i was a mom, an employee, a friend, a party host, a middle-man, a fiance, a dancing queen, a bar-goer, a popsicle, a grease-eater and a sober-cabber...i love to feel like i did it all today; well, all that makes me feel good...and complete, and alive.

i will have a pic tomorrow.
i will have something with substance to write about. well, maybe...not much of what i say has too much substance...i think i'm like a twinkie. kinda good, kinda boring, kinda filling but kinda not. i'll be up in three hours with the kid and it's gonna be a great day. i will be more motivated, more happy, more perky and more me.

eh...goodnight.

this is all i got...

(mother-daughter bonding, in the bathroom, with cameras...this didn't seem a bit weird to either of us... weird)

if i could take a picture of the smell in my house right now, i would. i am baking this wonderful cheesy, garlicky, mashed potato and soy hamburger thing. i know what you're thinking, soy hamburger, yuck; but really, it's good. serious.

'hey, you owe me two bucks dude'

(in a fit of OCD these were made...they're still sitting in the same spot as they were two days ago, still untouched)

today, i was late for work. i just don't understand the physics of rush hour traffic. i mean, i was stuck going 10 miles per hour for over 30 minutes in a place where there's usually no traffic at all! and then, get this...there was NOTHING. no accident, no one hauling a mobile home (that did happen one day), no road construction...nothing, absolutely nothing. i should have been thankful there was no accident, and don't get me wrong, i was, but i just couldn't help but feel a little jipped at the same time.

when stuff like pointless traffic-jams happen, i usually get mad at people. like, who the hell was on their cell phone and screwed it all up in the first place; or, who decided to stop on the ramp onto the freeway, screwing everyone up for the rest of the morning? i just wish i could've seen what started it all. i would have loved to have flipped them off...and then charged them the extra money it cost me for getting into the parking ramp after nine a.m.

isomnia zombie

(home is where i hang my hat...the hat that i never wear because everyone laughs at me.)

today is the first day that i have no words. i really don't. i mean, i could ramble forever about nothing but that seems like a waste of time for some reason tonight. normally, i would jump all over the opportunity to ramble nonsensically for as long as possible, but today, in the zombie like state i'm trapped in, it seems, well, stupid. i woke up like a zombie and have spent my day like that as well. it sucks. i'm not exactly sure why...i guess i have been a bit of an insomniac lately. stress keeps me up sometimes; other times, i'm just awake. either way, it sucks. wait, did i already say that...that it sucks? oh yeah, i did. see, i can't even think of any new ways to describe the suckiness.

christmas tree shiny ornament rides again

my four year old and i spent an hour and a half waiting in line to cast my ballot for the presidential primaries tonight. it was chaotic, disorganized, confusing, crowded and hot; the volunteers were overwhelmed and they ran out of ballots. it was amazing and people stayed pretty happy. the hundreds and hundreds of people, from babies to senior citizens to disabled people in wheelchairs, were all there for the same reason. i met a wonderful family and we really worked together to sift through the confusion, held each others places in line and such. i met some fabulous senior citizens and my daughter led the kid uprising through the gym on her horse, christmas tree shiny ornament. she ran out into the middle of the gym, neighing, and the next thing ya know, six or more kids followed suit...out of the depths of the adult-dominated line they all gathered to play. it was great. there were traffic jams all over the metro tonight, on-ramps were shut down and record-smashing numbers of voters came out tonight...i can not even imagine what election day will be like.

(can you see the line around the gym? and that was after a 45 minute wait...that's where the kid uprising occurred too!)

hair and cake--ooh...that sounds gross

(i made such a delicious looking cake tonight...i can't wait to eat some!)

i don't live in the trendiest place. i don't live in a big city either. but i do live in a place that has tv, widespread internet access, magazines on every corner that stem from the big city and a couple of solid newspapers that seasonally run full page articles on what's trendy for the upcoming season. yet somehow today, (yes, it was a boring snowy day) i saw three women at three different places that had either curled up 90's bangs with stiff, crinkly hair or the whole feathered thing going on. now, i'm not super fashion conscious, but i know that those looks went out, in some cases, 20 years ago. what was funny was that these women were professional looking women; one was even a nurse. i just don't understand. it's so much easier to put in a quick and messy pony tail that looks up-to-date, as opposed to spending 30 minutes and using a bottle of aqua net with a curling iron. what sticks these women in that time?

did i mention it was a snowy, boring day...i really had nothing else to look at.

sunday

(the hallway art museum we set up today.)

i really have nothing to write about today. i'm feeling a bit better but have that sick-hangover thing going on. ya know, when you're feeling better but you still have that fog in your head;
and then, my kid has been, to put it nicely, high-spirited today. it's just been a long, difficult, indoor, mushroom-soup colored day.

sore throats and bloody stumps

(my little one and i did manage to paint some pots for spring time planting today...amazing.)

being under the weather, even just a little, turns me into a four year old...every time. i whine. i complain. i don't pay attention. i zone out. i only want to eat junk food. i loathe responsibility. i don't listen well and communication is impossible due to me crying at everything. i can't even believe i'm writing this blog right now. all i have going on is a sore throat and a sinus thing today and all of that still happens. (thankfully, the level of severity surrounding my immaturity is only at about a three today. i'm pathetic when i have one of those super colds...i'm at a ten and then some.)

what's funny though, is that i can cut a snippet of my finger off with a box cutter and hardly flinch. i even threw the extra little chunk away myself.

in a nutshell

today i didn't accomplish much. i slept till 11. ate a little breakfast, a big lunch and entirely too much candy. then, i ran a few errands, saw a beautiful sunset while on them (that i did no justice to through the lens btw); and now, i plan to eat something again. it was a simple day. a really, really simple, yet somehow, satisfying day.