u so stoopid

(woah. yep. it's me and my baby while we were vacationing in a tiny village, on the crystal, clear shores of lake sugar in the woodsy, mid-west state of minnesota...)

thanks for letting me know you knocked her up! that was so sweet of you. so sweet, just like you!

oh wait...that's not why you contacted me? not for help because you're freaking out and don't know what to do and i'm sposed to swoop in and fix it all, like always? (things have never been conventionally fixed though...you hold me like your bowling ball and make me, with all your manipulation, knock all the pins out of your way. by the time they're all gone, we'll implode upon ourselves in a haze of blood and tears. we both masochistically win though...my inspiration is at an all time high and i'm feeding off it every minute of every day and you end up with the start of an new screenplay and with a completely clear path to start over.)

oh. that's not why you contacted me this time?? what? you bought a comic book store and couldn't wait to tell your good ol buddy?!? ya mean the buddy that hasn't spoke with you in nearly a year? the buddy your latest baby mama freaked out on and you didn't do a thing about? (nope. i wouldn't photograph her cousin's, courthouse wedding, pro bono, because they're poor and deserve good photos for their trailer. and yes, i texted you two years ago, while i was driving by your area, to see if you wanted to go shooting and told her i didn't text you because i thought she was being way too nosey about you.)

you're right. i should have listened this time and not told you, politely, to fuck off. you're right. i shouldn't have put up that wall like that. and yes, you're right. i was wrong. i'm at fault. you're right. i'm a terrible person and thank you for attempting to make me feel horribly guilty about it...i deserve it. like always, it was me. you knocking her up, needing help, and me not helping this fourth time is just plain wrong of me. how can i make it up to you?? how foolish i was. i should have known you only wanted to tell me your good news of owning a comic book shop, your lifelong dream...why in the world did i think any different? you were right. i shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and been such a terrible friend. will you ever forgive me?

wait. what??

ugh. i seriously hope you read this.

no sugar coating it.
you're such an idiot.