i did forget to shower though...

(the view in the car. my dress. my purse. berries and shortcake to share. homemade, almond, vanilla whipped cream not pictured...)

(the view out the car. kinda like a comic book, kinda like a dream. mostly like wet...)

okay. so, today was the first day my schedule officially went from super-full-time employee and full-time mom, to part-time employee and full-time mom.

and...i can breath?
it's weird?

i mean, i did freak out and sooo wished i was at work when i finally stopped, looked around my house and realized all the work that needed to be done. the cobwebs in the laundry room, the winter clothes that still needed to be washed and stored, the floors that need to be mopped, the things i need to finish planting, the outgrown kids clothes that need to be sorted, etc. it was so much, when i was working all i was, to just get laundry done, the floor swept and the grass mowed, so the rest had to get ignored--or done halfway.

when i mentioned my desire to run back to work and bury myself in preschoolers, a friend gently reminded me how difficult it is to work in the house because everything around you is directly reflective upon you...unlike work--i mean your job success/growth is dependent on you, but you go home at the end of the day. and you walk away. and when you work a lot, it's semi-expected your house will be a little dusty and stuff and that's okay. when you're not out at work all the time, your home becomes more of your job.

so, obviously, i still don't quite know how to stop, nor do i know how i got to this point of not being able to stop, but i don know that in the last two days now i have: mowed the lawn, washed, hung out to dry and folded nine loads of laundry, returned a couple of emails during lunch, planted flowers, hung new clotheslines, de-cobwebbed the laundry room, did the regular stuff like the dishwasher, counters and sweeping, started the massive organization of my art supplies and work supplies and have hosted two, back-to-back, sleepovers.

and when i think of the last year that i've been so busy and focusing on not letting my head go insane (actually, hell, that's probably why i have to keep myself so busy. i don't like being crazy. and given too much time to let my mind wander, i do just that, go crazy...), i have: taken over two different preschool rooms, continued to teach art, ventured into doing the baby and photography classes, started seriously planning to make a sibling, or two, or three for my kid, continued volunteering as much time possible with the kid's school, girl scouts and a local magazine, inherited another dog, continued to up the amount of photo shoots i do, created a website, a fb fan page and a twitter account as well as ran ad's, revamped my business cards and marketing materials, had h1n1 and fell in love all over again with my fiance.

it's been a really busy year, really incredible, year. (well, minus the h1n1.)

but now, it's time to focus all of that energy back in the home, and the soul, and a quiet mind and back in my photography, as a business, not just a hobby. and it's time to have some summer time fun with my kid. and to grill out. and to go to the cabin. and to work part-time. and to breathe. and to breath. and to breathe some more. (today, the air was amazing. and it cleared my mind and made me look behind at all the distance i've been traveling. it was wonderful. after i stopped freaking out about being completely overwhelmed, that is...)

so, it's late. and i think i'm tired. it's a great feeling :)