lucy in the sky with iris

so. all my weekend craziness got swept away with the dawning of a new work week and a conversation i had today.

it made me realize some things. well, not realize them really...just admit them more so.

yes. my mom would nod her head in agreement with this statement...but, okay, maybe, i often place people higher than where they belong because i see things out of rose-colored glasses and tend to idealize things (and people) even when they aren't so ideal. what can i say? i have a big imagination. anyway. yeah. i opened a dialogue up with a total stranger...and ya know...when you take all the outside drama out of everything, and the brokenness away from the sidelines, you end up with a clear view of the end zone. (woah. football reference in my blog. i do believe that, in over five hundred blogs, could be the first ever. and if you know otherwise, you're amazing...and slightly stalkerish.) and when you see the end so clear, yet it doesn't look right, like how you remembered it, you suddenly realize you were maybe running the wrong way before and you mighta mistook the boos for cheers and wow, uhm, yeah...that analogy got really messy--but it still works. kinda. or not really. regardless...being focused on nothing but oneself leaves a lot of room for people to lie to you and when you idealize everyone, it makes them look like everything you want them to be. and that's just stupid.

what i'm trying to say is that i guess when you hang out with people more messed up than you...you're gonna get more messed up by them, than they're gonna get by you. (that was such a confusing sentence. i know. but it's exactly true.) for so long, i wanted that awesome friend, someone more like me and i got so excited when i found that friend. when reality hit though...i realized it was all lies. like, every single word...lies. just a facade. a cover. a mask. nothing real. it makes me angry, but mostly just at myself for even bothering with thinking any different and not listening to anyone but myself...and the lies. (i should have known...someone as awesome and unique as me just can't happen--i'm pretty much the only one.) ((just kidding. there's millions of other crazies like me.))

anyway...moral of the story...when a person starts out a friendship by telling you that they mess people up really bad when they're done with them, teach you how to play poker with giant lectures about not giving yourself away, ramble on about how important it is for girls to have their guard up with guys at all times because guys take advantage of trust and talk about how they tend to morph into whoever they're hanging out with because of their codependency...you should not be friends with them if you have a big imagination and wear perma-rose-colored-glasses, like me. it gets all messed up. actually, you probably just shouldn't be friends with them, at all, if possible.

i don't know why i never listen to anyone when they say these things but, well, i don't. and i always find this stuff out the hard way. then again, after reading everything i just wrote...i shouldn't have needed anyone to tell me. then again, i only ever learn things the hard way. then again, i'm stupid sometimes. then again, actually, most times. then again everything around me was sucking pretty bad then, so i guess i just didn't really care and wanted to believe in something or someone way brighter...like myself...