this whole insomnia thing is back. i shake it...then it comes back and starts shakin me.last night, my kid got hit with it too--so her and i and the dog went on a midnight critter hunt. we found a toad the size of her hand and a fuzzy spider eating a juicy meal along with tons of other bugs and moths and imagination-inspiring ideas. tonight, it's just me. the dogs snorin and the kid is busy with a sleep over. i kept laying in bed thinking, 'any minute, i'm gonna fall asleep...' then, the minutes kept on changin and i kept on starin at 'em all lit up in red...and with each minute that passed, a new thought of failure entered my mind--so, i had to get up. my stomach was starting to hurt and i was feeling like i might throw up at any given second. i figured it was healthier to get up and do anything, rather than lay there and allow the acid to completely burn away more stomach lining.
ya know, now that i think of it...this is the first time i've been able to sit down in silence since i woke up today. today's project (and my least favorite in a week full of deep cleaning projects), was the fridge. something had been spilled in there awhile back and instead of anyone cleaning it up, it was left for me. you'd think someone had seen something but, like every crime that goes directly against the one in charge...nobody saw nothin. so, today, with the help of a metal scraper, boiling water and chemicals, it's finally cleaned up. any day that involves brown goop with dog hair and a dead gnat or two stuck in it is a good day, right? sigh. oh! i made a cake! i worked for a long time on it, and low and behold...no one even touched it. i'll bring it with this weekend when i head out of town...someone'll eat it. i did manage to squeeze lunch in and to add a few blood red streaks to my hair before having to leave for work though. then, while at work, a co-worker had her bi-weekly booty call coming over and since it was dead at dinner and i'm broke, i figured it was a sign, i should stay late. it wasn't really. no one else came in and i spent the night being made fun of for this oddity or that. then, i went to target for ice cream sundae making's for the ^^^above mentioned sleepover, caught the score of the vikings game in the car (but wished i had courage/time enough to make an impulsive stop at the bar to watch it) and arrived home with just enough energy to make myself a bowl of cottage cheese for dinner.
i'm so tired. and so empty feeling. but i can't shut down. mostly though right now...i wish i had a couch in my art room. i fell asleep sitting up in here in monday, a day after this bout of insomnia started--i won't be doing that again any time soon...my neck was in SO much pain. i might need to break down and take something tomorrow. i hate taking anything but i have to be AT work at 6 am on saturday and that's gonna suck.
tomorrow is closet deep clean day...hopefully i have the energy, because i need to keep on working on my chore chart. and the guy wants a shelf in the bathroom for his stuff. and winter is coming so i need to make room for all the scarves, mittens and skates. and my art closet should be paired down and packed away. and the kids closet needs to be sorted better. and once again, my stomach is burning. that's how fast it happens! like a finger snap and i'm ready to cry. this is stupid. and i want to wake up...but i can't even fall asleep...
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