just sit back, relax, sit back, relapse again*

one o'clock. or a little after.
sitting down to my first bit of food since breakfast yesterday.
refried black beans and corn. some sour cream mixed in for the dairy and fatty side of it all.
a cup of strong black coffee and a diet mtn dew.
i plan to eat again tomorrow at some point.
i think i need to start taking my vitamins again.

i've contemplated a hunger strike.
somehow that seemed slightly dramatic.
on that same line, i thought of a temper tantrum. that too, seemed dramatic oh, and also, a bit childish.
i considered shopping.
then i remembered i'm broke.

so here i sit.
for a brief bite of food.

i've cleaned mostly today.
gutted the kids room even.
four loads of laundry, mostly blankets, came out of that room alone.
lost and found and crusty dishes too. lots of those.
and it's only one o'clock.

idle minds, or idle hands, or something and something about the devil too.
so, up goes the music.
so loud the dog can't seem to find a peaceful slumber.
michael, veronica's, blink, gaga...it all sounds like gold and keeps my mind at bay.
i don't want anger to get in; i can feel it's trying.
i'd rather shut myself down for the time being.
stay focused on my main job.
because she's incredible.

i don't want the sad to get in, it's trying too.
along with the blame.
and the hurt.
and the tears want to come out but sometimes, they're only so i can feel sorry for myself.
like this time i think.
this is completely one of those just keep swimming times.

just all over though, i can't shake the feeling of simply mad.
like, above everything, i just feel mad.

next up, metallica.
loud.


(* disclaimer: ok...so, i can not think of ANY titles for anything i do lately. all i hear are song lyrics. so, until further notice, and from here on out, all titles will be completely and 100% unoriginal.)

(p.s. so, should i also put down the song? does it matter? like plagarism? but not really? out of reader curiosity?)

(p.s.s. camisado. panic at the disco)

(p.s.s.s. i still don't know whether it should be p.p.s.s. or, p.s.s. ((which looks like piss, yes)) or what. i have put thought into it. still don't know though. maybe, for future purposes, i should condense thoughts into a single p.s. then i won't have to wonder ever again.)