and look for the stars as the sun goes down...*

(makin soap day...recipes are good. don't have one currently. nor do i a map. or a clue...)

well, i guess that's it.

i feel oddly calm and am just trying to focus on that calm as opposed to that scared. ya know the scared...the kind that creeps in when you're in a dark room or when your foot's hanging over the bed and all of a sudden it takes over and you freak and run away screaming? yeah, that's the scared i'm trying to avoid focusing on because if i do, i'll probably panic. i'm kinda in the water without knowing how to swim and i'm mildly ok with the whole having to figure it out before drowning to death kinda thing--but, only mildly.

i am curious about how two people can go from being so used to major arguments, fights and the wall denting kind of anger--to, with a few painful, yet simple, words, being absolutely cool with each other--and, in fact, actually kinda liking each other. i mean...the realities of the situation have yet to reach the surface and all but, for right now...this whole treading water thing is MUCH needed for sanity--and i'll take it. it's like a vacation and, so far, it's the BEST vacation i've been on in awhile...also, the only.

yeah. no. i don't have the answers--hell, i don't even pretend to have any. all the 'what to do next's' and stuff but, for right now...it's really nice take a breath. let the air clear. see what settles. and figure out what to do then.

for now...just tryin to remember to eat. and breath. and sleep. and talk to other people instead of just myself. and to not randomly break down because i'm not doing any of the above mentioned things and i can't function anymore--which seems to be the hardest part. and yeah. it hurts really bad...but, compared to the alternative--what we've been living--this is pretty ok.

(* angels and airwaves, everything's magic)