(sadly, i've never been a fan of the mini donut)them damn tv women are portrayed as do-it-all goddesses whom rise flawlessly to every challenge on a career level, relationship level and family level. it sucks. it sucks in the same way i'm supposed to by 5'8, 112 pounds, brazillian-ly tan and a 34 D according to our lovely culture. see, i'm neither of those women...not even close. i know i'll never be the model, despite diets, self tanners and push up bras--but there's still hope of being that model employee/girlfriend/mother. so, on days when i can't quite successfully channel my inner mrs. cleaver and seamlessly merge her with my inner ms. moore, i feel like a total failure. oh, i should add mrs. ingalls to that one too after purchasing a half acre of land. (i really wish i could update the characters i'm using; apparently, i haven't watched tv since 1982.)
it's such a juggling thing and to be honest, i have never so much as been able to juggle two balls. serious. i'm not good at it. i'll play catch for hours with one but any more, well, i drop them and say screw it and then i focus on that one again. it's just me. i truly believe that's beneficial in parts of my life, like with my pics. i'll spend an hour editing one if need be. i don't mind even a little. it feels like time well spent when all is said and done. throw in distractions and i get annoyed fast. not because i can't handle it, because i don't want to. how can you get good at something when you're split in more than one direction? i'm like that with my yard and my house too. i want to just work on it and then stand back and feel accomplished to see it all weeded and all clean...man that feels good. same with work, when i'm there, that's all i want to do. hell, i won't even make two trips in from target unless absolutely 100% necessary. i will cut off circulation in my arms lining four bags down each and i know one will break but if i can just focus on that and then be done...i'm happy. having a kid was a big, and slightly painful, adjustment due to this, trust me. i was shocked when i realized how impossible it became to focus on one of anything.
oh yeah, back to what i was originally getting at...the expectation of what women need to be seems to derive so heavily from pop culture and well, everything pop culture dictates should be reality, right? why do we fall into it so easily and then look down at the ones who don't--like they should be more to be better? i know our culture, in general, dictates that 'more, more, more' mentality--but why does breaking out of it equal judgment, and perhaps stoning from your peers? i guess our culture isn't too friendly to outsider's--which i find ironic considering we were built up as the melting pot of the world.
i'm not sure where all this stemmed from. i think it was high gas prices that started it all, oh, high gas prices and a slow day at work. i know things will only change when our priorities shift and not from internet bitching. the rise in materialism seemed to coincide, in the states at least, with the rise in leisure time. when people worked on the farm all the live long day finding the time to pick up a glamour magazine or turn on entertainment tonight would have been a waste. however, here come the dishwashers, washing machines, vaccuum cleaners and cars and the next thing ya know, marilyn monroe is what every woman strives to be. maybe all this frantic swimming to make ends meet will squash all that pop-culture derived hysteria we've all succumbed to at one point in time, or maybe i just sound sexist. don't know. don't care.
sometimes i think my kid might be better off growing up in a economically slow era so she has some depth--as opposed to growing up in the bubble-gum-colored america, held together with scotch tape (that's made in china, btw) we're all currently slothing around in.
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