(rainy rush hour...the commute was almost an hour and a half) so, i'm starting to think it would be cheaper to not work. with gas being what it is i'm really afraid i may not be able to stay working where i'm working. i love my job and my co-workers and the company but the 60 mile or so round trip with the four dollar plus per gallon gas--plus, paying for city parking...yeah, it's hard.
i spent my day researching the bus routes but, i'm afraid that, as of right now, that's not looking too feasible. the trip from my home, on a bus, is one and a half hours each way and the shortest i can get my trip down to is 47 minutes--and that's when i already drive over half the distance. unfortunately, they won't drop my kid off at the babysitter's house either.
when i was hired at the museum i work at, i commuted a whole 15 minutes. i knew we were moving but where we initially bought our home it would have only tacked on five to ten more minutes to the morning route. no big deal. then when we found the home we're in now..well, my commute went to hell in a hand basket. where did that saying come from anyway? what a strange thing to say...maybe it had to do with the wizard of oz and toto's really the devil who made the tornado come and destroy dorothy's farm and then pink floyd played their devil's music that coincidently coincided with the movie proving that toto really was the devil. yeah, that was one of my weaker ideas. there's pretty much holes in that theory bigger than in that movie with shia laboof. that was a pretty good movie btw. i have to say that most people at work seem to be bussers and walkers but i'm not...my actual life life isn't too conducive to that. i live way out there and i have a kid whom needs a place to stay in the mornings due to the schedule overlap.
i keep thinking that if i just hang in there, when she starts kindergarten it might get easier but i'm not sure why. i know i'll get a raise soon but realistically, i know it won't be anything over the .50 cents to a dollar an hour that seems fairly standard...and won't help much in the long run.
it seems selfish to stay here but even more lonesome to think about leaving...especially while my kid still loves it so much here--and at the zoo where i get a free membership and the science museum where i get one too. this job is flexible with our insane schedule; they're beyond understanding that i'm a mom first, employee second and the perks, like i mentioned, are wonderful--but what about the cost?
i think about a second job, but doing what? there's not a whole lot out there that needs help the one day a week for the eight hours i have...for some ridiculous reason i enjoy my family and even like being at home and committing to more time away from them sounds more painful than leaving the museum. besides, if i wasn't at home nothing would get done there. my guy is so busy and doesn't have time or energy to do laundry, make meals, clean toilets etc...i love to be able to do those things but if i'm holding down two jobs, when will those things get done? i'm behind now and to find socks this morning through my clean, unfolded mountain of laundry took almost five minutes; i refuse to get used to that as the norm.
so, with as busy as things are...why do i still end up feeling like such a slacker? i guess when your priorities are equally distributed between that of a 1950's housewife and a modern day working woman throwing my hat in the air while sonny curtis croons in the background, 'you're gonna make it after all', it's easy to feel like you should be doing more. like your 'good enough' is never enough these days when gas is sky-rocketing, food costs are up and everything else is following...all your efforts only lead to the need to do more.
so, i'm contemplating not staying at the most beneficial job to myself and my family in order to make more money to keep from drowning...i guess both are beneficial to my family and i in their own regard--when put like that, that is. i guess it's a sign of the times...then again, in 1929, i'm quite certain there were plenty of parents asking themselves the same thing. maybe my life long, strange and somewhat morbid obsession with the great depression will be the key to figuring this out...who knows. i do know that that second kid isn't coming anytime too soon.
holy crap that got freakin long. i wrote it all while at work actually. we're doing this upgrade and i can't use the stuff i need on my computer so i'm just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring.
it's been a long day. i think i'll write tomorrow's blog too.
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