david duchovny, why don't you love me? again...

(it's almost time for the green to be gone. i love it when the green's gone)

i should be sleeping...or at least trying to sleep right now but californication is on and well...david duchovny is great.

ok, so why do so many of my posts lead back to david duchovny?

because i love him, i think.

that's why.

i'm so burnt

(i love babies...i don't miss having one though)

sorry. i meant to blog again last night. the kid was listening to her xm kids station and could not fall asleep. i was exhausted, so i did fall asleep.

only three more days at work until i get a weekend. i really need two days off.

conjunction junction, what's your function

so i went to the 'ol ball game tonight. it was cool but danged expensive. 4.00 for a bottle of water was the norm. what? yep. really.

i'm tired tonight. yesterday my internet wasn't working so i couldn't blog....which i took as a sign to just go to sleep. i have to say, i am a bit burnt out lately. today, the thought of going to the ball game was, well, annoying. i mean, with all the other shit that needs to get done....i just didn't deem it necessary to try to squeeze the game in. however, an excited five year old is a really hard person to convince that going home to do laundry is actually the best idea. so i went and i enjoyed it. i'm thankful my dad had the idea and means to make it happen. today was the first afternoon i've had free in a week and will again for five days. it sucks.

i'm going to go now. and drink more water. and lay down. i'm sleepy and not making much sense. and writing in super short sentences. because that's how my mind is working right now. well, not that all my sentence's are even really sentences because some start with 'and' and 'because' but still...you get the jist of it.

ten million buck please

so, lindsey lohan's gay. and so is clay aitken. and david blaine just did something insanely ridiculous and incredibly un-entertaining, again.

and just when i think i've seen it all, and am shocked by it too...i read on cnn.com that some fats help your heart and some fats harm it...!
no way.
wow.
i mean, i wonder what fats could harm it? surely not fast food type fats, right? OMG...they're saying that's the kind that does it?! jeez. whoulda thunk it?

and to think, google actually has to offer ten million bucks for helpful ideas...amazing...i bet they'll never get one. oh wait, i gotta good one. get rid of david blaine. he's annoying. sorry google, but until sexuality and stupidity stop making headlines on reputable news stations, maybe someone will come up with a good idea.

good freakin thing benjamin franklin didn't have the intermess. we'd probably still be in the dark...after all, he may have learned thomas jefferson was screwing a slave (if pictures popped up on tmz or video surfaced on youtube that is) and then spend three hours clicking stumble (i love stumble btw...) before driving his SUV two blocks to micky d's, gettin himself a big mac and coming home only to turn on america's next top model.

whew. i feel better now. like a lot better.

one of lifes many little lessons...or not

(rainy city night...)

i meant to blog last night. i really did. but, you see, this snarky little attitude i have toward life and responsibilities lately led me to consume a bottle of wine on a fairly empty stomach. i stayed up until midnight playing rockband and being generally annoying. (ya know, it all started because i couldn't fit the bottle of wine back in the fridge after adding a lunch box and a costco tub of grapes.)

here's what i hate the most about the morning after i comit liver suicide:

-the unquenchable thirst. it sucks. i can't get enough liquids in me, period. right now, i'm drinking my second thermos full of pink lemonade. (water never tastes good the next morning either.) i would love some orange juice and am pondering changing in all of my pennies in order to come up with the silver money needed to purchase some from the vending machine. if that didn't make me look so insanely ghetto to my co-workers, who would be trading me for the silver, i would have by now.

-the sore. i fell asleep last night and never moved. not even once. my muscles are definetely reminding me of that today.

-the hunger. ok, well that mostly comes from the fact i didn't eat last night, but still; normally, if i go to bed without eating, i wake up pretty ok--grab some fruit and a granola bar and start the day off in a healthy way. if i drink though, i wake up and eat anything and everything. so far, i have had a bagel and a bag of chips. (that, on top of the two thermos's of lemonade, has me considering going home sick today.)

-the fact that i feel fairly decent this morning. within an hour or two, and a cup of coffee or two, i will be completely back to normal. like watering a wilted flower...i just perk back up. why is that a bad thing you ask? because it's not bad enough to make me remember to never do it again. i mean, this little part of me wishes my head would throb so bad that i would puke all over my desk and then pass out in it, only to be found by my boss. ok, no, i don't really wish that, but that sure would make me remember to never do it again. right now...i'm simply a wilted flower. granted i haven't done a ton of work yet so we'll see how my concentration levels are but still, i guarantee you it wouldn't be enough to make me never drink a bottle of wine on an empty stomach on a monday night again.

this isn't going to be my life

(i love these like i haven't loved anything i've done in a long time)

tonight, while driving down the 40 mile long, 70 mile per hour river of concrete that leads me home, i started feeling just, well, stressed.

i am so sick of this treading water feeling. in every aspect of my life i am simply treading...and i think i'm starting to drown. my legs are getting cramped.

relationship...yep. treading.

work...yep. treading there too.

finances...yep. treading, no wait, drowning there.

it sucks. like, super sucks. i'm always late. always not feeling like enough. always broke. always rushed. always lacking. always never enough. i don't have a bail out by any means and i'm not sure i'm enough to be it all to them all. i just feel so damn alone in all this.

in the time being, while treading water, i keep forgetting about me. i'm so concerned about the leg cramps i can't focus on being hungry, or lonely, or tired, or sick, or bored. i just have to keep treading.

i am not willing to except this as the norm. apparently, i need to find a way out of this shit before i really do drown...



YAY alec baldwin. he just won an emmy. 30 rock is such an effin good show.



wow. that's my a.d.d for ya. welcome to it.

that jerry mcguire kid is hot now

(my new shades. i think they're awesome...)

today, after being poinsened by a wayward veggie burger last night, i had one of the least sexy days in my career.

i became addicted to tmz.com during my day of being poinsened though. their 'memba them' photo galleries are so freakin fun and easy to get lost in. nick from family ties sure looks old.

i'm gonna chew that rainbow up

i bought 54 oz of skittles at costco today. i mostly bought them to take a picture of but also because i thought they might go good with the bottle of merlot i can't wait to crack open tonight. ok, so i know they will taste terrible together but i needed another excuse to buy them...just to take a picture is a kinda stupid reason to buy 54 oz of skittles.

wow. deep blog today huh?

goodnight...

(with pics like this it ain't happeningm though. what's with all the redneck speak today btw...?)

so my kid has been using my lap top to listen to music on before going to sleep at night. she loves her music before bed, always has, but her cd player broke--and so instead of making her learn at the tender age of five what withdraw is all about (i'll cut her off sometime in her late single digits)...i've just been turning on xm kids to appease her music minded mind. problem is, is that by the time she falls asleep, i'm too tired to collect my computer and write a blog. come to think of it...i've been tired a lot lately. this whole working thing sucks. 35 is coming though...that's when i'll be at home full time with my camera.

just seven years...seven years i tells ya until i can:
flip rush hour the bird (which i do to many on a daily basis already...i call it practice).
get out of bed at a decent hour (eleven is decent, isn't it?).
stop wearing clothes that match at least a little (i did match my sock and earrings today, i'll have you know...the rest kinda sorta went together).
shoes without paint stains (which i do still wear to the cube job but have been teased about more than once).
can enjoy a glass of, and/or bottle of, wine with breakfast, er, i mean lunch. (like lunch is all that much better iris...you drunkard.)

one day i tells ya...one day.

i deserve a pulitzer

pink and greens...sigh.

in depth post, huh?
i know.

i was going to start talking about that one x-files with that little guy on the skateboard thingy that squeaked when he rode it. and i was going to talk about this absurd fear i have that he may come wheeling himself into my room at any given minute, but i decided that that would be stupid.

i miss mulder.

they're eyeballs...

(the bowl of squishy balls at my desk...i want to bathe in them...kinda)

my week of accruing crabby finally exploded into me entering a terribly un-healthy drunken stupor...that eventually left me exploding in my truck on the way home.

here's the story in an egg shell. nut shell, whatever.

friday night, i went to see a show at this dirty little bar...but due to my wandering legs, flighty mind and rambling mouth, i missed the whole damn thing. after the one dirty bar we went to another dirty bar where i drank some more, but smoked even more. in fact, i think i caught myself some cancer at that bar. i talked to this one boy a lot because he made me feel good..he has more issues with someone no good for him than i do with someone no good for me. i actually clung to him just to make him keep telling me all about it...it was terrible of me. i almost made him cry at one point with my incessant digging into his life but i kept going. every time he talked about his screwed up relationship i felt a little better about mine. it was quite therapeutic. i thought i had just met him that night but, according to my sister, i've actually known him since 1998 and was even at his house a couple times. i kinda feel like an idiot now...at least i know why we got along so good. woops. that totally explains the awkward silence when i blurted out, 'god i can't believe i just met you...it seems like i've known you forever.' (don't worry, i cured that awkward feeling by blasting through it with more rambling about nonsensical garbage.) i met some other super people who seemed like they would be fun to get together with again, and for me, that says a lot. i normally can't wait to be done with people.

saturday, i woke up after a very minimal amount of sleep with one shoe still on (i had never even attempted to untie it) and dried puke on my pants, but damn was i in a good mood. i am embarrassingly swell at living life at a drunken washed up rockstar kind of level.

i wanted desperetly to go out again last night, and would have--had it not been with the dude from the relationship i had tried drunkenly to work through completely the night before. i figured it wouldn't have been the smartest move in the world on so many levels...so i whined about being single and what not then passed out...

about the whole lack of postings thing btw...i've just have a few bigger fish to fry and some shit that needed/needs to be dealt with. unfortunately, with my inability to be home for more than four waking hours a day, nothing gets dealt with if i'm staring at the computer screen...ya know...?

crabby again...

so i say nothing...notice how icy the can looks. yep, that's cuz i chose the wine tonight.

bailar con mi amigo...

it's getting colder. i like it.

and that's all i got good to say tonight.

i really want to go on and on and on about everything that's crabby in my brain, but i won't. but damn do i want to...

i mean, don't get me wrong, i debated...should i bullet a few non-specific points? should i focus on one thing? should i write super cryptic poetry? should i just spill it all?

nah. i really should just shut up...

the only trouble is, gee whiz, i'm dreaming my life away

so i had this dream last night--a scented dream in fact. i actually smelled a cologne that i haven't smelled in, well, like forever. it was so eerie...but strangely, um, warm feeling...for lack of a better description. it was a very comfortable smell and dream to say the least...the uncomfortable part lies in the fact that i had no idea i could dream smell...

pass the cakes and jam please

so, this summer i've house-sat for my neighbor three times so far. i keep telling her it's my pleasure and do really mean it; she's just out my back yard and my kid adores her cat; it's easy. however, she keeps insisting on buying me stuff or bringing me stuff home from her trips and as much as i tell her it's not necessary, she does anyway. on her last trip to iowa she stopped at her favorite little store and picked up five jars of preserves and jams along with a cherry butter that i am dying to try--oh, and homemade noodles that look perfect to throw in a soup. i was so thankful, it was such a nice surprise :)

one of these days i'm gonna make five little pancakes and sit at my table with my five jars of jams and thouroughly enjoy each and every one of them.

there must be more than this provincial life...

(smoothies and popsicles ruled the day)

the day, as originally planned:
-crafty little boutique sale with one of my best friends.
-then, hopefully on to some antiquing.
-all of this while toting a camera in a not everyday boring kind of place.
-come home, do some laundry, straighten up a bit and chill a bottle of wine all in preparation of a night of rock band with another of my best friends.

the day, how it went:
-the kid got sick.
-the only time i left the house was to mow the grass.
-i ate too much food.
(don't get me wrong...i'm NOT complaining. i was so thankful to be able to be here with her...it was just so different from what i had intended on doing today...)

tomorrow, back to work for the week. yay. (this is the part that gets me.)

how do people just get used to this and not need more...? why do i feel like such a basket case and a train wreck for craving more...?

Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?
Never part of any crowd
'Cause her head's up on some cloud
No denying she's a funny girl that Belle
...
Look there she goes a girl who's strange but special
A most peculiar mad'moiselle
It's a pity and a sin
She doesn't quite fit in
'Cause she really is a funny girl
A beauty but a funny girl
She really is a funny girl

         

beep...

...i'm on the other tab.

i'll call ya back later...

peace on earth, good will to men....

ah yes...dandelion's...so much more peaceful than cops in riot gear with tear gas ready to be thrown into the crowd at any anarchy-ridden second.

so far tonight, i think there's only been like 72 arrests. i wanted to be down there...i know it's not that safe but for some reason i feel completely safe--in that, i'm-going-to-prove-freud-right kinda way that is. (it's that whole survival of the fittest thing...see, the way i figure it, in 100,000 more years, the gene that causes raccoons to run out in front of cars should be completly wiped out from the species. i should warn you, i'm not a scientist and i may be wrong on that theory...but i'm pretty sure.)

i had a friend down there tonight filming. he's doing like this st. paul before and after the rnc vs during the rnc filmy thing. i think he's still alive and i'm pretty sure he didn't get arrested...but i'm no more positive on that than i am the raccoon theory. can you believe freud's turtle is still alive? i can't. i wish he could talk...think they'de be slow words spoken with a whispery, raspy voice? i do. not that i've thought too much about the way an old turtle would talk though...really. i think the sea turtles in finding nemo talk the coolest though. anyway, my pics from yesterday's blog were used on a local news station's website...it was pretty cool.

in honor of voldemorts followers coming to town...

welcome...but please don't stay too long...

yeah...so i was planning to put up some weekend pics but then, the rnc happened. i mean, sure, it's been happening but today i actually got some pics. tomorrow, i probably will too. there's just so much happening around here and i'm right there. it's pretty cool. i've been seeing the protests, hearing the demonstrations and witnessing first hand the military-esqe state that has taken over the once quiet little city i call home.

all in all, things have been pretty peaceful...i mean sure, ya hear about the major arrests but for the most part, i think everyone in this blue state has been pretty welcoming to our red state friends...despite our personal views.

gotta love that minnesota nice :) hmmm...i feel like bringing mccain a tater tot hot dish all of a sudden...or something made with mayo...

see ya later summer

i'll write more tomorrow about my weekend...but right now, i'm a little bit more fixated on my kids first day of school tomorrow :)

i used to love it when kids went back to school. as an adult, i love taking my world back. i hate waiting behind groups of giggly middle school girls buying three different kinds of lip smackers at target just to buy my two different kinds of lip smackers. (whatever...they have more money than me. they can afford three. shut up.) but now, i feel a bit lonesome...