well. it's eight thirty on saturday morning. i've been wide awake for an hour, tossing, turning and feeling stressy. i decided to get up, grab a v8 and some oatmeal, head downstairs (i have two sleeping kids in the living room...) and catch up on my morning news. but, when i opened my laptop, my blog page popped up (since it was one of the last things i did before crashing last night...hence the ramblings. oh wait. i always ramble.) and i decided to write out some stressiness instead. which is why i'm back here.so. i have a friend who's putting me in a tricky spot. again. and it's gonna cause fights. again. and this sucks. again.
when it's just me, i roll with things. i say whatever. and maybe i get annoyed with stuff but it's rarely enough to make me feel actual hurt or anger. and if it does turn into enough to provoke those emotions, then it's big, and then it's dealt with. pain and anger can be constructive, at times, but way more often, they're nothing but destructive emotions. and i figure if i'm feeling angry or hurt too fast, then i'm not coping correctly and i work on myself before allowing those emotions to overtake me. so, i typically roll with things. it feels much more peaceful and peaceful feels so much better than the alternative. on the flip side of that coin, people tell me i get walked on and that i need to say no way more often and people don't understand why i have patience with certain things and consequently, they get frustrated with me.
which, folks, brings me to my current predicament. my guy is getting frustrated with me and the situation because, well, it's happened before and he refuses to do it again. (without saying too much...the situation consists of a friend, with a child, who is making choices in her life that are threatening her career and, when your stories consist of waking up in a house and having no idea how you got there or how to get out...your life too. and i have total patience in knowing she wants companionship and a relationship but getting from someone five years younger than her, who loves to party, lives in a house with five other guys and she's his boss...it isn't a good idea for her or her career, but mostly, her child. a child that has already been introduced to him and a child who is being shipped off weekend after weekend for him. the response though, from her, is that i shouldn't worry...he loves kids. and the response is not too worry...my boss thinks it's cool, he parties with us too. and the response is don't worry...my kid thinks he's awesome. that's the story. in a nutshell.)
today's stress comes from two weekends in a row of changed plans and mistruths. last weekend, we pushed off plans to this weekend because she had to work and needed a sitter. plus, she wanted to get to her work party that night so wanted her kid to spend the night. sure. that worked for me. her child is here tons anyway...nothing abnormal about it. and besides, she was taking my kid the next night so we could have a free night. well, she ended up not having to work but still wanted to go out to her work party. totally fine...we had canceled our plans regardless. so, she dropped him off at noon...for an evening work party. okay. the next day, i get a text asking if we minded watching her kid again so she could go out again that night. i asked why and she assured me she wasn't drinking so she could always come over and get the kids if we wanted the night together. we ended up inviting friends over, since no one had to work the next day plus it would've been a super short night together anyway, and we had a good night despite the plans changing. next day, she comes over to pick up her kid but looked terrible. apparently, she had gotten SO drunk the night before that she woke up in a house, having no clue how she got there or, even where she was. she was thankful someone had left the garage door open though so she could find her way out. i asked how many of her employees saw this and she said only a couple were there.
and now there's this weekend. she has her actual work party now. (still not sure what last weekend was...) we rescheduled plans for this weekend and they've now become an inconvenience for her. she needs to be somewhere by two and we won't be home until three. so, i got a message last night, asking if i minded if she dropped her kid off at someone else's house, 25 miles away from where we'll be, and then we can just go pick him up after we're done, so she can get to where she needs to be. her message tone made it sound like oh! it'll be super easy for you guys! and then no one has to worry! and when i relayed her message, that's when the argument at home started.
i don't want to endorse this. i know asking new guy to do family friendly events each weekend would be unheard of, and there's a reason for that. he's not family friendly. and she has a family. but to already, be putting me in this position...again (this happened a few years ago too, but it went on for years that time along with countless fights with the guy AND with my bff's becausde i kept sticking up for her and having patience.) i do want her to be happy. but i'm seeing her child wondering what's going on. he's in school and child care all week. his weekends are his at home time and now, the last two in a row, he hasn't been at home or with his mom. and it will continue on like this. it did before. and now i get to feel like the bad guy and call her today to say no to picking up her kid across town. i'm falling in line with my guy this time. last time, it was so stressful on me and mega damaging to him and i. i knew he was right then too...but i still fought because i felt the need to stick up for her. this time, i gotta leave her on her own. and i've never done that. but putting myself, and my family under stress because she wants to pretend she doesn't have a child, and won't lose her job, and is still 23...i'm not doing it.
ugh. i highly doubt this makes a lick of sense. but good God, i feel a ton better.
okay. i'm gonna shut up now. maybe my NEXT blog will make more sense...?
yeah.
i know.
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