(the below mentioned wine...)so i guess i'm back to blogging. everyday i'm like, hmmm...i really do miss spewing openly about stuff no one really needs to know about but i just don't have the time, but i really do miss it, but i just don't have the time, blah, blah, blah...
well, i think i need to shut up and make the time because i'm becoming consumed by a cube as of late. i hate it. i don't belong in a box. something in my life still needs to flow free dammit.
my last time around with this whole blog thing ended on a pretty negative note i feel. i let work get in the way of my word flow and it killed it...just like it's killing me. *choke, choke, gag, gag, choke, cough...dead.* damn. already, before i even have a chance to lay down the new rules of the blog, i'm breaking a new rule. well, i spose it doesn't count if that rule hasn't been made yet though, right? right.
ok...before i break more unwritten rules, here they are...
1) NO WORK HERE! i commute roughly 275 miles, spend 40 hours in a cube and take a home an incredibly disappointing pay check each week. the last thing i need to do is dwell about work in my free time. i need to escape it a bit. so, NO WORK HERE. this is going to be a challenge for me though as it is something i am stuck in, but i need to forget about work...not me.
2) this is MY blog. period. i have held back in writing before because i don't want to offend or hurt or anyone or make anyone think i'm too crazy. but really? since when did i become so lost in everyone else, work included in this, to stop WRITING for me? granted yes, if it's really personal, it's not gonna be here but the rest of it...well, just because i'm a lot of things to a lot of people, doesn't mean i'm not still a 28 year old female living with the same emotional value of any single 28 year old female. sure, some stuff is different but i sure as hell still have my own thoughts. and damn, do i have my own thoughts.
3) i write to get through shit. i have for as long as i can remember. in grade school, it was stick drawings; in middle school it was notes to my bff's detailing intimate details of everything that is retarded now; in high school it was in notebooks scattered throughout my room filled with crappy poetry; in college it was e-mails to myself while waiting for class or procrastinating and now it's a lousy blog. i don't care if anyone reads it but to keep me moving forward with my photography and wading through my emotions; i need to feel like there's an audience to keep me going. it's so damn easy for me to get lazy. i HATE the nights when i get home, grab a glass of wine, eat some food, get the kid ready for school, get myself ready for work, hop on facebook to chat with people i haven't had the time to physically connect with in a long time and then go to bed. then, i either fall asleep or stay up way too late and get up and do it all over again the next day. it's pathetic but it's apparently the norm. i refuse to make it mine...there is nothing 'norm' about me. some people love that life and are content with that. i am SO not. i get bored. i freak. i get all self-destructive and restless and do not-so-smart things. so here i am. back to the blog.
4) last time, i started off with...oh! i am going to write everyday! take a new photo everyday! i am going to be totally bloggeriffic!! then, seeing how that was impossible if i wasn't on crack, which i'm not...i changed it to something like this...oh, yeah...i'll try to write a few times a week but still take a photo to post everyday...maybe...*sigh*. well, this time, i am still gonna shoot for that 3 times a week writing and 5 days a week with a photo. i have been shootin tons since i left the blogger world so i have lots of cool stuff and i can't wait to be motivated with the camera again, like i was for awhile there.
5) oh. and i probably picked the worst time to start this whole blog thing seeing how my lap top is broken. my guy spilled a whole glass of the a fore mentioned wine on it. i have other means of computer usage so i'm not worried. i just don't want to wait anymore to start this. i keep putting it off. i have the inspiration now. it should really happen now then, i guess.
all right. with all these disclaimers, i really feel like i need to make this blog spectacular and have really important stuff to say. i don't though. in fact, tomorrow, i was planning to talk about the hundreds of tootsie rolls i've consumed since christmas...
well, i think i need to shut up and make the time because i'm becoming consumed by a cube as of late. i hate it. i don't belong in a box. something in my life still needs to flow free dammit.
my last time around with this whole blog thing ended on a pretty negative note i feel. i let work get in the way of my word flow and it killed it...just like it's killing me. *choke, choke, gag, gag, choke, cough...dead.* damn. already, before i even have a chance to lay down the new rules of the blog, i'm breaking a new rule. well, i spose it doesn't count if that rule hasn't been made yet though, right? right.
ok...before i break more unwritten rules, here they are...
1) NO WORK HERE! i commute roughly 275 miles, spend 40 hours in a cube and take a home an incredibly disappointing pay check each week. the last thing i need to do is dwell about work in my free time. i need to escape it a bit. so, NO WORK HERE. this is going to be a challenge for me though as it is something i am stuck in, but i need to forget about work...not me.
2) this is MY blog. period. i have held back in writing before because i don't want to offend or hurt or anyone or make anyone think i'm too crazy. but really? since when did i become so lost in everyone else, work included in this, to stop WRITING for me? granted yes, if it's really personal, it's not gonna be here but the rest of it...well, just because i'm a lot of things to a lot of people, doesn't mean i'm not still a 28 year old female living with the same emotional value of any single 28 year old female. sure, some stuff is different but i sure as hell still have my own thoughts. and damn, do i have my own thoughts.
3) i write to get through shit. i have for as long as i can remember. in grade school, it was stick drawings; in middle school it was notes to my bff's detailing intimate details of everything that is retarded now; in high school it was in notebooks scattered throughout my room filled with crappy poetry; in college it was e-mails to myself while waiting for class or procrastinating and now it's a lousy blog. i don't care if anyone reads it but to keep me moving forward with my photography and wading through my emotions; i need to feel like there's an audience to keep me going. it's so damn easy for me to get lazy. i HATE the nights when i get home, grab a glass of wine, eat some food, get the kid ready for school, get myself ready for work, hop on facebook to chat with people i haven't had the time to physically connect with in a long time and then go to bed. then, i either fall asleep or stay up way too late and get up and do it all over again the next day. it's pathetic but it's apparently the norm. i refuse to make it mine...there is nothing 'norm' about me. some people love that life and are content with that. i am SO not. i get bored. i freak. i get all self-destructive and restless and do not-so-smart things. so here i am. back to the blog.
4) last time, i started off with...oh! i am going to write everyday! take a new photo everyday! i am going to be totally bloggeriffic!! then, seeing how that was impossible if i wasn't on crack, which i'm not...i changed it to something like this...oh, yeah...i'll try to write a few times a week but still take a photo to post everyday...maybe...*sigh*. well, this time, i am still gonna shoot for that 3 times a week writing and 5 days a week with a photo. i have been shootin tons since i left the blogger world so i have lots of cool stuff and i can't wait to be motivated with the camera again, like i was for awhile there.
5) oh. and i probably picked the worst time to start this whole blog thing seeing how my lap top is broken. my guy spilled a whole glass of the a fore mentioned wine on it. i have other means of computer usage so i'm not worried. i just don't want to wait anymore to start this. i keep putting it off. i have the inspiration now. it should really happen now then, i guess.
all right. with all these disclaimers, i really feel like i need to make this blog spectacular and have really important stuff to say. i don't though. in fact, tomorrow, i was planning to talk about the hundreds of tootsie rolls i've consumed since christmas...
3 comments:
Welcome back Mel!! And you better be getting ready to take pictures again...only 113 days left you know :)
I love #2, it is what I tell you all the time. I am glad you are back. I enjoy reading your blog, I should start one someday but I am lazy.
marie...i am ready today for you guys :) 113 days huh? wow! i love that you know that!
lanae...i actually thought about you as i wrote number 2. i'm glad you enjoy reading my blog :) you should start a blog! i would love to read yours too!
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