needsleep

i did it! i've been shootin. i said i was going to the other day in but i never know if that means i'm really going to, or if i'm just gonna talk about it. i've had all this creativity spinning through me lately but been lacking the energy to do much about it. it's makin me insane. er...insaner. and dizzy.

so, here's what i've been writing on fb and flickr about the photos:

while cleaning the garage, we stumbled across a suitcase that had belonged my guys grandma. she was a ballet dancer and traveled the world in the 30's and 40's. that suitcase contained an endless supply of crochet needles, bobby pins, hair sticks, outfit parts, ankle braces, sewing magazines and a small gold-plated bible given to my guys grandfather in 1943. it was an incredibly amazing find that i am, undoubtedly, in love with. the least i can do is photograph parts and pieces of it to *attempt* to capture a little bit of its beauty...

i plan to keep going with the photos, as there's much more i can play with, but tonight i'm cutting myself off. i stay up way too late lately and i'm not functioning well anymore on 4-6 hours a night. in fact, it's 11:15. why am i still up? i spose it's better than 2...but still. i blame this alaska show i'm watching. and my ocd.

(my images keep gettin crappier and crappier...i'm gonna go work on some new stuff. right now...)

today, while on the highway, doing 60, going around a turn. my back tire blew. (i blew the front one a couple weeks ago but i was going much slower and had more control.) i still have no clue how i didn't completely lose control and roll my truck--as it took a lot to pull it back into a straight line. i do know there's NO WAY i would be sitting here right now had i completely lost control or not been paying attention.

the stupid tire had a nail in it apparently and, for whatever reason, chose while i was traveling to just give out. i happened to be very near my bff's house and was able to get there safely and with theirs and the man's help, we were able to get it to another friend's work, which just happens to be goodyear.

i have no idea how we'll afford this. i think this might be the straw. i was the straw. that's a great feeling :(

anyway. on another note...the whole jerk-man i talked about in the last couple posts. i figured it out! michael scott! from the office! if i just treat this man like michael scott...i think i'll be good. the things that he does embarrass me in the same way and SO many of his personality traits are so similar. it's incredible now that i've realized it, that is, but not nearly as cool as i thought it could be. not that i've ever pictured working for him...i've just thought he'd be fun. kinda. ok. not really. but yeah. i know i said i wasn't going to go all understanding on his ass or anything but, i think i caved and did accidentally. i haven't seen him since my last post but i'm gonna test my new theory this week...

ok. true blood is calling my name and it's really late but i can't go without my fix...

garage...i hate thee...

i was cranky last night. i feel better today after a really great ending to it all. (that blog does not count as drama btw. that was a pissy rant. big difference.) also, i need to clear the air about something. remember the cake story from the other day? well yeah. this morning, while waiting for my oatmeal to be done, i consumed a brownie. it was delicious. and not rotten--which adds to the deliciousness immensely.

also, this blog is nothing but procrastination, can ya tell by the extreme crappiness of it? i'm supposed to be assisting in cleaning/packing/sorting/throwing stuff away, but i'm busy? yes, i'm busy. busy waiting for my coffee to cool enough to drink some without murdering my taste buds mostly. oh. and i have to see that guy tonight. i hope it's not for long. also, my coffee's cool so now i have zero excuses left. hmmm. ouch! my foot! i, uhm, hurt one and/or both of them again! i can't walk. oh all right...

here i go...

*flips bird at you*

(you should hear the frogs outside my window right now. they're insane...i think storms make 'em that way. maybe i'm sposed to go kiss one!?)

hmmm...

i really have nothing to say. in fact, i'm not sure why i'm here. i just felt like doing some writing in ANY form other than a random email rant to old friends or people who probably don't need to hear from me. i mean...i personally would always like to hear from me, but that's just me. and i'm just weird. oh! there we go. speaking of weird...i know this guy. i won't say who he is, because he all out admitted he e-stalked me once (and he's not in a position to admit to that to me, or anyone, for that matter) and if i bash him online and he e-stalks, i could get in some trouble. oh, and i'm not here to bash anyway, just complain (all right...maybe bash too).

okay. here goes. soooo...we all remember the kid in school who was just a jerk and said mean stuff, and then laughed at it like it was a joke--while you stood there either embarrassed, or pissed, or an awkward combo of the two? he was the kid you always avoided because you knew he would inevitably say something that would incite a negative reaction from you and make you feel about two inches tall...i liked to pretend he was just too stupid to realize he was mean. oh, and he also assumed he was simply hilarious to all who heard him and usually would laugh hysterically at his own terrible jokes...well, the guys hoping to be as cool as him might laugh too, i spose? this was the kid who was usually pretty cute and athletic and would eventually grow and flock to a fraternity in order to laugh at others, while comfortably surrounded by gaggles of other semi-retarded men whom, instead of challenging themselves to THINK, found it easier to cover for their lack of depth with a good 'ol laugh and a snort. i've always felt more pity than anger toward these poor fools...but lately, i'm mostly annoyed--which equates to angry apparently?

anyway. i recently met one of those semi-retards in my adult life. he makes me re-enter elementary school (by high school, i felt bad for those kind of guys because i knew they would never get someone as cool as me. that maybe sounds conceited, but i had confidence that i was pretty awesome as a person and they'd be stuck with the ex-cheerleader who still had her uniform hanging in the closet despite the 50 extra pounds and minivan in the driveway.) being of the artist mindset...when you meet one of these morons, you're naturally an easy target. which is all i am. i've been accused, during everyday conversation, of 'smoking reefer', being a 'freak' and as a comeback one day, he told me to go 'smoke some more peyote, yo'. reefer and peyote, yo? and i'm a freak? who even says that stuff? *sigh*

i absolutely want to rant. mean rant out of shear annoyance...and as much as i'm trying to hold it in--i'm not sure i can anymore. in fact...oh hell, here goes:

((ok. so, honey. my high school confidence has swelled to something ten times larger than the size of your former-cheerleader-of-a-wife's, ass. i get that i must make you feel stupid. not that i'm any form of a genius...but with someone like you--the i.q. doesn't have to be much higher than that of a toad's to make you look stupid. hell, you make yourself look stupid every time you open your mouth. all you are is a power struggle and a control freak and when you don't get your way, you whine. i will admit, through gritted teeth, that yes, your hair and nails look better than mine. and the way you match your tie, to your shoes, to your belt is something i'll never remotely be able to accomplish with myself and a simple shirt and pants combo. i'm sorry you assume that because i think differently, i'm a freak. but, i'll take being an freak over being as single-minded as you, any day. you can just keep watching me from afar, i guess. apparently, you're fascinated somehow with me or the e-stalking and parking lot watching wouldn't be an issue and maybe if you weren't such an asshole, i'd give you some consideration...but, every time we talk it's a fight or you slam me for being me. i'm sorry, but even talking to you...even a simple hello, is a waste of time for me. you are my least favorite person i've come in contact with in quite some time...and i've come in contact with some real doozies as of late.))

*coughchokecough* wow. i feel better. i felt that rant coming on a mile away and just didn't feel like stopping it. i just don't feel bad enough to not post either. i'm SO sick of being such an idiot to people treating me like shit. i'm SO effin sick of letting myself be treated like less than i am, being lied to, being emotionally manipulated, being an easy target... i KNOW i don't have it all together, but i think i'm doing pretty ok when you consider all the factors. i've had enough of the outside influences, influencing me. i give/gave so many people, so much of my patience, and time, when all they do/have done is make me feel like shit. i'm so sick of letting myself be so casual with people that i let them hurt me because we're 'friends/family! and everything's ok!' i think it's time to learn from the best of them and just start running out of patience...it's that--the thing that i get complimented on at the beginning that, at the end, screws me over--THAT needs to die and never resurrect. it's my casual behavior with people that sets me up to cry the most. i'm done, and sir, you are the FIRST i will say fuck you too. i don't want to learn more about you. i don't want to feel pity. i don't want to be friends. i don't want to play nice. i don't want you to know me and i sure as hell don't want to know you. i'm done. i'll never care to get to know you or give you my time...what's the point? to get to know someone new? no. to learn about someone different? nope. i think i'll take a cue from your semi-retarded, single-minded, mindset on this one and save myself all that openness.

i think this is the start of bitter old woman. i've documented it for future reference. awesome.

yucko

(this photo...actually, all of the photos since my triumphant return, have nothing to do with anything. this one kinda does? maybe? cake and weddings go together...sometimes...?)

here's a quick story. i call it: the story of monday's breakfast.

saw last piece of cake on the counter.
picked it up.
unwrapped it.
took a ginormous bite and headed for the milk.
realized cake was bad. (like...probably two minutes away from actually molding, bad.) started gagging and spitting and trying to scrape all remnants from my tongue.
tongue went numb from disgustingness.
scrapped milk plans, chugged coke instead.

moral of, the story of monday's breakfast: it's amazing how something that was once so perfect can turn so horrendous...

(also. disclaimer: rotten cake (ok, any cake) and a coke is NOT a healthy breakfast, i know. i was just in a hurry. and i don't typically eat like that. well. sometimes. but not usually for breakfast...that happens to be the ONE meal of the day i actually value.)

tim mcgraw's 15 and spillin teardrops on my guitar...help...

i do believe that when your job requires you to work with elementary school girls (that you've foolishly encouraged to bring in a cd to share), hazard pay should be involved.

for example: taylor swift, for hours, is enough to drive anyone insane. oh! and the chorus of singing girls who periodically squeal [at the onset each track because it's their 'favorite', of course] will make you hate things you used to love (love story is a great song despite what anyone says...).

sigh.

i tried to vote for listening to 89.3, the current, today...but was out-voted 8-1. go figure. (my pitch--arty music for arty girls!)

tomorrow...a cup of coffee is a necessity--for all involved.

yes. i'm back.

ok. so whatever. i know i said i was done. but really...i'm never ACTUALLY done with anything--even when i KNOW i should be. i'll keep the drama out. hopefully.

so, what got me back, you ask? or not ask, but i'm telling regardless? here's the story: the other day, i went to work. a coworker said, 'hey! it's been awhile! how was your week!?' and i say...oh let me tell you how that thing was--and i went on a rant. she just stared at me for a bit and said, 'wow. that's a hell of a week. i've been working mostly.' then, i started thinking about it and realized that, actually, it had been a pretty typical week in my world and that i should be writing more. but i'm not. but i should be, because i think i'm the kind of person that just needs to write sometimes.

so. last week. here were a few of the highlights:

-i blew a tire while driving on the freeway. it happened to be near a decent location and thanks to wonderful family and friends...i was up and running within a couple hours. from there, went to the zoo, spent 30 minutes trying to park and drove down a one way (where i magically found a spot and royally pissed off the people traveling the correct way looking for spots). from there, sweaty and greasy iris wardrobe changed, cleaned up with a paper towel, threw on some makeup and attended the grand opening of her gallery--complete with LOTS of fancy people, wine and cheese.

-i impaled my foot with a toothpick. i kicked it at 5 am while hastily exiting the bathroom (my super-spy kid and her sneaky little cousin had been trying to pick the lock earlier). if i hadn't been throwing a temper tantrum prior to the incident i would have felt worse for myself than i did--but somehow, somewhere, i felt i deserved it for my negativity. anyway, after an hour of soaking my foot, panicking, trying to wake someone up to help and having no luck, panicking again, and finally just closing my eyes and yanking, a 3/4 inch long chunk was removed. that caused blood to spout and me to limp for two days straight (or until the swelling went down).

-i nearly suffocated myself with smoke in my garage. when it's super muggy and raining, grilling in the garage is not the best idea...the smoke doesn't really go anywhere. well, it goes into your house and sets off smoke detectors, that is.

-my pond hatched tadpoles! ok. pond didn't really...but something in there did. and they're so cute. not cuddly though.

-i missed a beach ball. yeah. i know. i actually went to kick it. and missed it by a few inches somehow (i blame my SUPER kick for disturbing the air it was sitting in and making it move just enough so i couldn't possibly have missed it out of stupidity--just awesomeness). anyway. a wall and a beach ball do NOT feel the same on toes.

-oh. and apparently it was a bad foot week, as i also dropped a can of coke and the rim of it 'bounced' off that top bone in my foot. that brought me to the floor pretty fast. actually, all of those foot injuries found me on the floor within a split second come to think of it...

so...yeah. when you go into work and tell your coworker all those stories i guess it warrants that 'look'. i hate that 'look'. but...i make a good story i guess? anyway...welcome back me.