see ya in seven

(this is from two years ago but i still love it...)

so, my best friend's gone. to iraq. i knew the day would come when he'd call me to say the plane's about to leave, but i avoided thinking about it.

he called me yesterday around 7 am to say that final goodbye. it was 5 am his time. he had been pretty wasted a few hours previous to that but the little bit of sleep he had had, had taken the edge off the drunk apparently. he sounded pretty good. i didn't really know the right words to say. hey...watch out for bombs, i hear they fall out of the sky over there. or, hey...look out for them terrorists, i think they think they're at war. everything sounded stupid, so i mostly sat there thinking about the silence...and trying to not sound like an idiot when i did finally find some words. we finally said good-bye, and said our i love you's, and said our be good's, and said our i'll miss you's and such.

i know he'll be fine. he's only there for seven months and most of my misery over this is self-centered. i've spoke to him at least once a day for ten years now. we lived together for about three of those years. my kid adores him and i'm at a bit of a loss when my 'regular' becomes irregular. i'm not so swift in the change department, ok? i feel like i just lost my favorite shoes. the ones i wear every day and depend on for comfort. you know...the one's that fit your feet the best.

and then these unthinkable thoughts get in my brain and i can't get them out. i shake my head and i think of things like shopping and unpaid bills to distract myself, but nothing works too well. i left in the middle of my workshop yesterday to go just cry. i didn't want to look like a weirdo in front of all of my co-workers and i couldn't hold it in. i'm scared to death that, at best case scenerio, he'll change. he's so perfect the way he is. i always picture this picture i had of him, maybe 6, on his birthday, with red balloons, a cowboy hat, a holster (complete with cap gun), a giant smile, some cowboy boots, cute little dumbo ears and wearing nothing but undies. it was so him and still is.

like i said, i know he'll be fine; i know everyone must think the worst when someone they love goes to war. i just keep writing him, just like during boot camp. i write everyday. when i'm bored, or stressed, or saw something hillarious that i need to share, or saw something incredibly stupid that i need to share, or, well, just whenever. i just continue it on one piece of paper and send it all toward the end of the week. i send pictures and stuff too. he said, in bootcamp, it really helped him feel connected. i can't wait to send him actual packages of stuff and i can't wait to start christmas shopping for him! last year, i got him lots of things to do on airplanes because he was traveling a lot. this year...well, i'll ask him what he misses most.

so yeah...that's about that. he's in iraq now. i am so proud of him. he's a world away, and he's a marine, and he's my best friend and he's living a pretty incredible adventure. but damn do i miss him.