(wild gnome hunting is lonely when done in solitary form...)unplugging's been good so far. (there's nights when it all wears on me, like tonight. i get lonely...online becomes my only social outlet. been trying to keep that to two nights a week. just need to get used to it, i guess.) been taking more time to clean during the day; trying to pass the time doing my own thing. like cleaning mostly. i guess.
been pretty body focused too. whatever that means. keeping the nails painted, eyebrows plucked, going for the run, getting sun, taking care of my skin, eating little bits all day...mostly trying not to get obsessive and winding up at the doctor's again, all while being obsessive. it all keeps me feeling good about myself though, and confident--which some days, when i walk into target wearing sweats and flip-flops to buy milk for breakfast the next morning, makes ALL the difference in the world. it makes me feel wonderful to look at my shiny toes, soft skin, brushed hair and ten pounds lighter frame while i'm walking aimlessly toward a clearance rack looking like total trash. i think that's the difference lately between me being miserable and me being perfectly happy. just knowing i'm taking care of myself. there's such a fine line between that and self-destruction for me though. so far, i'm staying pretty well grounded on the right side and i am thankful everyday about that because i know me well. and i know how i struggle...
oh...and on top of all this, i've just been soaking myself in music. it's wonderful. anything from the beatles and fallout boy to willie and stevie--with tons mixed in between...i'm there. it's incredible what a cup of strong coffee in the morning with blink's cheshire cat album can do to me.
oh, and speaking of music--very funny pandora. yellowcard. at this very moment, with these exact thoughts--you play that exact song. the volume, needless to say, is way up and a whole lot more will get written in this blog that will yes, be inevitably deleted.
*sigh*
been pretty body focused too. whatever that means. keeping the nails painted, eyebrows plucked, going for the run, getting sun, taking care of my skin, eating little bits all day...mostly trying not to get obsessive and winding up at the doctor's again, all while being obsessive. it all keeps me feeling good about myself though, and confident--which some days, when i walk into target wearing sweats and flip-flops to buy milk for breakfast the next morning, makes ALL the difference in the world. it makes me feel wonderful to look at my shiny toes, soft skin, brushed hair and ten pounds lighter frame while i'm walking aimlessly toward a clearance rack looking like total trash. i think that's the difference lately between me being miserable and me being perfectly happy. just knowing i'm taking care of myself. there's such a fine line between that and self-destruction for me though. so far, i'm staying pretty well grounded on the right side and i am thankful everyday about that because i know me well. and i know how i struggle...
oh...and on top of all this, i've just been soaking myself in music. it's wonderful. anything from the beatles and fallout boy to willie and stevie--with tons mixed in between...i'm there. it's incredible what a cup of strong coffee in the morning with blink's cheshire cat album can do to me.
oh, and speaking of music--very funny pandora. yellowcard. at this very moment, with these exact thoughts--you play that exact song. the volume, needless to say, is way up and a whole lot more will get written in this blog that will yes, be inevitably deleted.
*sigh*
2 comments:
I am so on the same page but I still need to lose that ten pounds here soon. Miss u.
it's nice to see i'm not alone. i miss you too love :)
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