(at least my kid still brings me flowers :))ok...i was yellin at my kid the other day and without even thinking about it i yelled, 'if i've told you once, i've told you a thousand times, the kitchen counter is NO PLACE for your dirty socks--get out here right now young lady!' (then, i shuddered.)
that got me thinking...it's amazing how often, and how effortlessly, old mom phases come bellowing out of me as i, say, scream outside at my child who's chasing the dog with a hose. ('ya know...a snake would have bit you by now and you'd a had it comin!')
for today's blog...i thought i'd list some of my favorites (this isn't MUCH better than yesterday's blog...but it's a little better):
-if you make that face too long, it's gonna stay that way. (i use this one all the time as we're in a cross-eyed, photo-posing phase currently. when she questions it, i tell her it's probably true, because i've seen people with crossed eyes before...and then i tell her to never stare or ask them if they held it that way too long. it's bad manners--just know, that's probably why their eyes are crossed.)
-good god kid...just don't bleed on the carpet. (this one is courtesy of my grandma and has been said many times by me. last time, when my kid refused to stop crashing her tricycle into my truck tires i eventually snapped and said, fine...do it all you want but i swear, if you fall off and get hurt you're on your own--and for the love of god, you better not bleed on the carpet, i just cleaned it and you'll be in a world of trouble. she paused, thought about it and never did it again. thanks grandma.)
-you're going straight to bed. no dinner. (this one always works in the evening. it's not like she'll starve, but she thinks she will, so it works. she's never actually went to bed without dinner, but it's clearly a big fear of hers.)
-eat your food! there are starving children in africa. (ah yes...guilt and empathy mixed together and thrown at your kid to dwell on over a plate of half-eaten broccolli. the only thing that changes over time with this phrase is the country. i never give her more than i know she can eat. i know how big her fist is, so i know how big her tummy is. there's no excuse.)
-stop whining and count your blessings. (classic. always good and induces many smiles when used while shopping.)
-wait till your father comes home. (for some reason, this puts the fear of god into my child. the WORST he's gonna do is yell but the remorse and pleading start instantly. i rarely need to tell him anything as the behavior is almost always corrected instantly.)
-don't you make me come in there. (i use this one a lot. mostly because i'm lazy...which is probably where the phrase originated from. well, mom's are rarely lazy...they just feel like that anytime the actually get a chance to sit down for more than five minutes.)
-what? do you think money grows on trees? (classic. it says it all. also induces smiles while shopping.)
-good lord child, i have a headache the size of a six year old. (this is my own. my kid laughs when i say it. i roll my eyes and grumble to myself.)
-go ask your dad. (usually, there is a long pause after i say this. i'm pretty sure she's weighing consequences and only about 50% of the time will she actually go ask.)
-sure! leave...but you're NOT comin back. (my dad used this all the time on me and i know i'll use it more in the future but every now and then, when it's teeth brushing time, i get told i'm a terrible mom and that she's running away. this response always makes her scream out of frustration, cry--and then brush. since having my own kid, i've realized my dad never really meant it, but it sure worked.)
-don't you dare come out of that room until you're ready to apologize--AND, mean it! (this usually ends after an hour long stand off. it works though. she has to calm down long enough to formulate a sentence and i have time to figure out how to get the green out of the dog's hair.)
-and, my ALL TIME favorite...because i'm YOUR mom and i SAID SO! (there is no comeback to that that won't get you into more trouble that you're probably already in. i am mom. period. you second guess that--you sit in your room. look, when i'm wrong, i admit it to my kid--but, that happens so rarely :))
mom phrases are the best. they're pretty much built to stand the test of time...and i'm pretty much in love with them.
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