twenty eleven. welcome.

(this is the boy who has given me h1n1, vomited all over me, gagged me with the smell of his feet, pee'd on me and made me fall flat on my ass in front of thirty people. despite all that, i still really like the kid...)

hey! twenty eleven! good to see ya!

so...i got over the h1n1 fully and threw a party to ring in the new year...a year that i'm already in love with. i needed some friend time, and rock band time, and time with my new flask. i figured that since i missed my bday, halloween AND christmas, it was long overdue. my bff had to work but surprised me by getting the night off and not telling me until after she went so far as to even get in her scrubs. (she loves when i get excited because i jump around and hug and kiss and scream...and then do it all again.) anyway, it was awesome. we played music, and played with the kids, and had great conversation, and met new people, and ate good food, and laughed and then...my lovely bff, fell down my stairs and broke her right ankle AND left foot. she can't walk, can't work, can't drive, basically, she can't do anything anymore. ((sigh)) she's a nurse too...so it's not like she has a comfy desk job to be at; her job REQUIRES her feet.

anyway...this year promises to be good because i am determined to make it that way. last year left so much room for improvement.

in this next year, i would like to:
~take another step toward being my own boss and letting my passion support me.
~eat way closer to the source. (i'm writing this AS i eat pizza rolls but whatevs...monday.) i'm not a dieter but all the preservatives and crap that's in my food is out of control. the less ingredients, the better.
~gain some sort of control with my finances. i just don't remember to pay my bills. if i set up auto withdraw then, i'm fine. but i never do.
~and, with that ^^ being said, i would love to set the goal of doing something the first time i think of it. i procrastinate way too much and i have way too busy of a schedule to give procrastination a voice.
~and finally, work at a relationship. it's an amazing feeling to be working with a partner on something and it's a feeling i've never once known until recently. i come from two generations of divorce so working with someone, as opposed to separating, when things get difficult isn't something i've witnessed first hand. and that's totally okay, i'm just ready to break that cycle. however, figuring out how to do it hasn't come naturally. but, i'm ready and i'm completely willing to do what it takes. and, honestly, i'm excited about it!

so yeah. that's what i want to do in this next year. oh...and also, keep doing whatever it is i'm doing with my kid. she is amazing, and smart, and funny, and talented, and driven, and considerate, and thoughtful and just, all around, wonderful.

i was also thinkin...after being uber-inspired by a budding photographer friend, who just got his first good camera, that i should pick this baby back up, like i used to. shoot a photo daily. blog three times a week. the guy said no, cuz i should really focus on actually paying a bill when i sit down at my computer, as opposed to blogging, and i GET that...but i WANT to blog and take photos. i DON'T want to pay my bills... i gotta think on this one.

sto, ily

ah yes. my first actual outing since last monday (when i got the h1n1 diagnosis), was to the rink. and it was great. and hour and a half of a lung, head and pore clearing workout...plus, i got to hit stuff. it was perfect. other than that...hmmm. yeah. uhm. well, i got my own starship in star trek online, aka, sto. since i didn't get physically to leave the house, or even hang out with anyone (due to mostly being highly contagious and deadly with a cough), i joined the ranks of millions of other geeks and started playing an mmo. and ya know what...i freakin love it. like srsly love it. problem is, i'm too busy for this. i have a website that needs attention asap but all i can think is about how i can squeeze in game time. i'm thinkin twice a week i can spare a couple hours. in fact...wait...what am i doing here? i should be there. i have no kid tonight and i don't have to be at work until six am...so i have like, eight hours to play. heh. just kiddin. really.

this sucks

photo shoots and fun this weekend with friends and family. (see more pics here)

h1n1 on monday.

i'm the first confirmed case in two years in my area. i have parts of me hurting that i never knew existed...random skin in the middle of my back, joints in my hips and my lungs. my lungs are on fire. and ya'd think sleep would feel good but laying in bed makes me hurt more than it feels good.

five-ten days...quarantined basically. goodbye kid's christmas party at school, goodbye christmas present making with MY class and goodbye christmas, period. i already lost my 30th bday and halloween due to strep and sinus infection...and now christmas. i think i'm gonna sit back and let the depression sink in now.

i just pray my kiddo stays healthy...

"but feelin' good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues. hey feelin' good was good enough for me..."

(dad found this baby for me...it's in amazing shape for being over seventy years old...)

(this one is a birthday present from a couple AMAZING ladies. they know me well and i love them dearly. this one's also over 70 years old and looks beautiful!)

all right. yesterday's unproductiveness bug was squashed by today's awesomeness foot. i had an incredible photoshoot this morning (a sample of it is here...), and with the help of an AMAZING laptop (which is vista-herpe free), my wacom tablet and lightroom...i have made a family quite happy and made myself feel great again--in RECORD time. i haven't been ignoring my camera or my photographer roots as of late...though it would appear, by my lack of content, that i have been. i've actually been incredibly busy with my baby...it's just been in work form. i took over a preschool classroom and have been feverishly working to bring my room up-to-date. there hadn't been a full time teacher in there for months and the room needed major help. it's now quite current, but it's been consuming. everyday i'm working with photos...just nothing i could ever post--as to think of my kid's teacher posting photos of her would irritate me, highly.

anyway...

the day started with a cup of fresh, hot coffee and is now ending with a glass pinot grigio and a delicious crockpot meal of black beans, brown basmati rice, salsa, corn and topped with cheese and sour cream. all ya need is some fruit to make it a complete meal. oh wait! apple pie! yay! okay. i don't really know if that counts either, but whatevs. i think it could. kinda. i mean, it contains apples. and it is homemade, so i know they're real. a friend's on his way over now...he's got some hard stuff happening at home and just needs some beer and a mind-clearing space to chill for a bit...or so. oh and yes, more music. lots and lots of music lately. currently, listening to man in the mirror and missing my man. too bad we never got to actually make out. like, for realzies...not just in my weird little mind. and now willie...

then there's tomorrow...i've got stuff to do tomorrow. a dad to watch the game with, a hospital visit to make, a grandma to have a late lunch with, plus a sick kid to attend to and a nephew to babysit. then there's the work...a curriculum to work on for the next month of preschool, some final photo edits and a disc to burn. so, back to normal, i spose?

oh breaking benjamin...you sound so good.

hmmm. i think i wanna watch a movie and possibly have another glass of pinot. i think? maybe an adventure flick of some sort? wow and now tracy byrd. okay...maybe i just need to keep the music going...this is incredible. it all just sounds so good and i'm completely sober...

crap. i have a really scattered mind tonight and i know that means i need to shut it down or the next thing ya know...i'll have a mural painted on my living room wall. or a new, self-inflicted haircut, or something....

i will leave you with this tidbit of awesomeness though...

and after nine rounds with jose cuervo
they were counting me out and i was about to give in
then after ten rounds with jose cuervo
i lost count and started counting again...


oh! oh! oh! and also:

sometimes it makes me want to laugh
sometimes it makes me want to take my toaster in the bath

okay. i'm done now.
bed it is. this is getting ridiculous.

I to the R, to the random IS her

(that chair back there. that's where i reside today. with a dog at my feet and music in my head...)

(yep. this dog. she's my excuse for the random, stare-out-the-window, breaks. also...ya see that poor, leafless plant? yep. that's the one...)

ugh.

the goal today...sit in office/studio and WORK. workworkwork. so far, i've created a wonderfully spacious, and green, room for my brand new koala webkin and also, i've eaten a lot of pie. and drank tons of yesterdays cold coffee. and watched a squirrel with my dog. and thought about watering a wilting plant (which i STILL have yet to do). oh...and hung out with a couple of weirdo children.

work hasn't been accomplished. thoughts of it have though.

i started a productive blog entry too...which i thought would be great to finish and post today. it's an, iris-is-all-over-but-just-not-here, sorta blog. basically, it chronicles all i've been doing lately, in case anyone [but me] cares to see my life on display. and i do actually. like see my life on display, that is. well, i kinda like it. it's decently interesting. (and trust me...i stare in that train crash sorta way too.) it must be some sort of disease all bloggers have actually--narcissism. oh, but here i am instead...writing nonsense, not working, killing plants and ensuring my jeans will, uhm...shrink? that's it. they'll shrink...my ass won't grow.

i wish i had more coffee.

also...in the list of productivity killers up there, i totally forgot to mention the amazing soundtrack i have playing. just awesome, hot cocoa for the ears, and thoughts, sorta music. hmmm. not entirely sure on that either, but the look on my face while writing those words probably woulda made it make sense. sigh. i know. that was weird too.

anyway...favorite lyric of the day, so far:
in a parking garage by the theatre
we met for a movie
every scene was a sign
we made out through their meaning

just awesome. 'every scene was a sign...we made out through their meaning.' friggen perfect.

oh! and then there's the WAY out in right field lyrics:
life don't go quite how you planned it
we try so hard to understand it
irrefutable, indisputable fact is
it happens
ain't no rhyme or reason
no complicated meaning
ain't no need to over think it
let go laughing

what else?? i could be doing laundry too, i spose. since the whole computer thing isn't working for me. but that sounds even worse than this. well, not that this is bad or anything...it's just unproductive. i spose i could justify this in the fact that i have NOT had a four day weekend in forevs. even when i was deathly ill, or semi-deathly ill, or just ill...i only missed a half day of work. and tomorrow, i have a photo shoot, so that's something. i do fully intend on backing up my computer today in order to install windows 7, instead of this terrible vista-herpe ridden machine i've been settling with. and i need lightroom back on here, bad. i can't function without it.

oh! i know what i can do! i've acquired two new, old, amazing cameras that need to be photographed. both of them are from the late 30's. i'm not sure either of them will be functional...well, the falcon miniature i have a strong feeling could produce some magic, but i have no film development area. which, now that i bring it up, is my next major project. well, after the website. but they're totally different things...retro vs techno. well...not like bang,bang,boom,boom,boom,bang,bang,wicky,wicky,bang,bang...techno. the word was a combo of retro and techie. which you probably figured out before the explanation actually...

ok. this blog is jumping the shark again. maybe a whale this time actually. it's time to make myself do something...

((ten minutes later))
client phone call has been made.
productivity level maxed out.

oh yeah.
the plant.

ohohoh! and now:
i ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
i'm fine and dandy with the me inside
one look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
i don't give a hoot about what you think

no, i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care
i don't care

plop, plop, fizz, fizz...

(one day...i ventured into the backyard for this tidbit i've entitled, tie dye fall. i can't even imagine ever being a photographer anymore. all i can do is sleep...)

as i sit here, working up the courage to down two more amoxicilin pills, i'm thinking, 'wow, it's been awhile since i blogged.' i debated a glass of wine tonight, mostly in order to reclaim some sense of normalcy, but actually drinking any wasn't something i could make myself do. my stomach is already upset enough from the 1500 mg of antibiotics i'm swallowing daily and wine didn't seem like it'd be a polite addition to the fire. so, i went for an english muffin and a glass of milk instead.

my new job is attempting to kill me. i inherited a classroom at a very bad time of the year in the way of sickness and the age group i work with is still working on those basic things like, well, wiping their own noses. i ended up, within my first two weeks of work, with both strep throat and a sinus infection. in fact, these last two weeks have been nothing but a fever and/or drug induced blur. it's all ran together like one big, long, bad day. i had to smile for my class photo today...i looked terrible. my hair was sticking up, my skin was ghostly and my eyes were watering. i guess it'll be a reminder of how lousy i felt? either way, i'm on the mend now...after a shot of penicillin and now antibiotics, i can at least swallow again and hey, it's 11:00 and i'm still awake. i don't actually remember the last time i've made it past nine.

i'm thinking tomorrow, i may attempt laundry or some other household chore that desperately needs to be accomplished. hell, i may even dust off my camera and do something, anything with it. also, i might wear something other than sweatpants.

both halloween and my 30th bday were ruined due to being sick. i canceled my own halloween party and my birthday, well, i haven't even had the energy to shop with the money that's been given to me. i received some incredibly thoughtful gifts and have hardly even acknowledged them due to the fact that nothing but work and the kid have been on my priority list--and i've struggled with both of those.

anyway...that's where i've been at. sick.

and this is the best i can do tonight...

i think i'm fallin for you...

i just had to make you share in my fall glory :) other than that...nothin going on. just the usual. busy and broke.