the 500th (or so) blog spectacular

(no way! special guest appearance by BOOMY! that's so awesome! you look great boomskee!!)

((applause))

okayokayokay homies. so. yes. i suck. i totally missed blog 500. blog number 400 was celebrated quite unceremoniously with nothing but a rambling butterfly story and the talk of cake. but that was 400 and seriously, who cares about the number 400. it's not that big of a deal. but 500!? that's like half a thousand...and a thousand is a lot.

so, in true 80's sitcom style, we're gonna flash back to the episodes that lead us to where we're at today. (i apologize for my lack of laugh track.)

((applause))

most popular post ever

close second to the most popular post ever

and my first post ever...awww...baby iris

an incredibly insane post, from an incredibly insane (but oddly beautiful), spot in my life

when i fell in love with taylor but was still in denial

the, 'ugh...what the HELL am i bitching about NOW blog??'

drunk post

wtf did i title this?

crazy stalker post

who's claire? and what does she have to do with ANYTHING in this post?

dude. i frickin miss you

(you told me stories about your chickadees...they didn't like bb guns or stupid archery...)

((this blog wouldn't be right without at least one random lyrical-interjection...duh.))

random injury

celebrity hatred

yay for laziness!

uhm...what?

((applause))

500 blogs. so much nonsense. so many insane ramblings. so many ups and downs that have inspired me to write yet make me sound half psychotic. so many 'wtf's and 'wow, that was boring's.

so, folks, raise your glass to 500 more. (i know. i really don't think it's ethical of me to subject anyone to 500 more either...) let's face it though, it has been a great, albeit semi-psychotic, run so far.

((applause))

thanks again to boomy for making a special guest appearance in tonight's blog and again...thanks for reading and goodnight.

((applause))

blogfessional booth

an hour and a half of alone time between jobs! it's a miracle.

i had plans to eat lunch while working on photo stuff yet i find me here, laying on my bed, back in pj's, watching judge joe brown and drinking a mountain dew. this stupid daytime tv gets me every time.

i did get two emails answered though. if that counts for anything...

move over tv guide...

(my current favorite page from my book. the bind goes down the center so there's actually two photos on each page...)

so, awhile ago, i was hellbent on giving all my creative side up. it was gettin' in the way. well, uhm...i'm an over dramatic, artisty-type, who likes to whine about a lot and freak out about random crap (all while screaming, 'look at me!') and i tried to back burner me and well, it didn't work. i got crabby. well, crabbier. (i mean, i'm pretty much always crabby about something...just ask anyone who knows me.)

anyway, tonight...i created my very first, coffee table book. (20 pages, 8x8, hard cover, strictly photographs, with the emphasis being on color.) i've wanted to do this for awhile and tonight...i finally did. i think it's beautiful...maybe? in my head, it's awesome (story of my life). reality is different though--but i have to wait like two weeks to even see it! to me, that's pretty much forever.

and why'd i create a coffee table book? uhm...pretty much the only reason is because i'm an artisty-type, who likes to scream, 'look at me.'

gotta love us crazies who try to make this world a little more visually stimulating on a daily basis, i guess.

*cough*

(i got to enjoy the most gorgeous night ever last night...i had two kids and two dogs with me and a bunch of time to just wander, listen to the sounds, soak in the smells and watch the American-summer-evening, suburban activities, happening all around me. it was beautiful...)

it amazes me how i can shoot whiskey, vodka and tequila with the best of 'em but i can't take cough syrup without gagging, shivering and getting goose bumps all over my body.

it's the nastiest stuff in the world but, without it, sometimes sleep doesn't happen. maybe i should just stick to the hot toddy's next time, like dad says... (though no coughing attack to keep me up last night...so, i guess that's good?)

happy pride!

(pieces of cloud, or cotton...depending on how you look at it...)

okay. take a breath.

i did.

i'm calmer now. i talked to a good, old, dear friend about my past post and she was a wonderful support/vent system...as we both had things to say, since we've both known the same person for a very, very, long time. bottom line, with all personal issues aside, it's really sad. a new baby is being brought into a situation that is terribly undesirable for even adults. there's other children who will get less attention than they already do and there's more resentment/anger/manipulation than love around that house. it sucks to think about.

so.

with all that up there ^^^ being said--on a separate, yet semi oddly related, yet not really related note...way to go people of new york!
now, two people, who love each other, despite gender, can legally be recognized as a couple.

it's about love.
it's about strong families.
it's about strengthening communities.
it's about allowing adults to freely be a couple and not have to fight to be together through some of their lives biggest moments.

there's no room for hate.
if you don't agree, then live your life the way you would like to live it and let them do the same.
(yes. i'm a total hippie and a total sucker for people who love each other. i operate under the complete belief that any two, good, people who care about each other are good for the world as a whole.)

you have people who want children and would give anything to be a family. they're good people, doing good things...and then you have the others. you have people, who can be legal, and easily have children but who shouldn't be because the reasons aren't right. no one can make me believe that a child with two parents who like the above ^^^ mentioned people are better off than a child with two loving mom's who fought like hell to get that child.

sigh.

i'm gonna step off my soap box now but i'm gonna leave it close...

oh!! and i spent my morning over at PRIDE today :) (can ya tell...?) i was shooting for the rainbow rumpus and i had a great time...check out other blog for a couple pics and more info.

click me to go to the other blog

u so stoopid

(woah. yep. it's me and my baby while we were vacationing in a tiny village, on the crystal, clear shores of lake sugar in the woodsy, mid-west state of minnesota...)

thanks for letting me know you knocked her up! that was so sweet of you. so sweet, just like you!

oh wait...that's not why you contacted me? not for help because you're freaking out and don't know what to do and i'm sposed to swoop in and fix it all, like always? (things have never been conventionally fixed though...you hold me like your bowling ball and make me, with all your manipulation, knock all the pins out of your way. by the time they're all gone, we'll implode upon ourselves in a haze of blood and tears. we both masochistically win though...my inspiration is at an all time high and i'm feeding off it every minute of every day and you end up with the start of an new screenplay and with a completely clear path to start over.)

oh. that's not why you contacted me this time?? what? you bought a comic book store and couldn't wait to tell your good ol buddy?!? ya mean the buddy that hasn't spoke with you in nearly a year? the buddy your latest baby mama freaked out on and you didn't do a thing about? (nope. i wouldn't photograph her cousin's, courthouse wedding, pro bono, because they're poor and deserve good photos for their trailer. and yes, i texted you two years ago, while i was driving by your area, to see if you wanted to go shooting and told her i didn't text you because i thought she was being way too nosey about you.)

you're right. i should have listened this time and not told you, politely, to fuck off. you're right. i shouldn't have put up that wall like that. and yes, you're right. i was wrong. i'm at fault. you're right. i'm a terrible person and thank you for attempting to make me feel horribly guilty about it...i deserve it. like always, it was me. you knocking her up, needing help, and me not helping this fourth time is just plain wrong of me. how can i make it up to you?? how foolish i was. i should have known you only wanted to tell me your good news of owning a comic book shop, your lifelong dream...why in the world did i think any different? you were right. i shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and been such a terrible friend. will you ever forgive me?

wait. what??

ugh. i seriously hope you read this.

no sugar coating it.
you're such an idiot.

i did forget to shower though...

(the view in the car. my dress. my purse. berries and shortcake to share. homemade, almond, vanilla whipped cream not pictured...)

(the view out the car. kinda like a comic book, kinda like a dream. mostly like wet...)

okay. so, today was the first day my schedule officially went from super-full-time employee and full-time mom, to part-time employee and full-time mom.

and...i can breath?
it's weird?

i mean, i did freak out and sooo wished i was at work when i finally stopped, looked around my house and realized all the work that needed to be done. the cobwebs in the laundry room, the winter clothes that still needed to be washed and stored, the floors that need to be mopped, the things i need to finish planting, the outgrown kids clothes that need to be sorted, etc. it was so much, when i was working all i was, to just get laundry done, the floor swept and the grass mowed, so the rest had to get ignored--or done halfway.

when i mentioned my desire to run back to work and bury myself in preschoolers, a friend gently reminded me how difficult it is to work in the house because everything around you is directly reflective upon you...unlike work--i mean your job success/growth is dependent on you, but you go home at the end of the day. and you walk away. and when you work a lot, it's semi-expected your house will be a little dusty and stuff and that's okay. when you're not out at work all the time, your home becomes more of your job.

so, obviously, i still don't quite know how to stop, nor do i know how i got to this point of not being able to stop, but i don know that in the last two days now i have: mowed the lawn, washed, hung out to dry and folded nine loads of laundry, returned a couple of emails during lunch, planted flowers, hung new clotheslines, de-cobwebbed the laundry room, did the regular stuff like the dishwasher, counters and sweeping, started the massive organization of my art supplies and work supplies and have hosted two, back-to-back, sleepovers.

and when i think of the last year that i've been so busy and focusing on not letting my head go insane (actually, hell, that's probably why i have to keep myself so busy. i don't like being crazy. and given too much time to let my mind wander, i do just that, go crazy...), i have: taken over two different preschool rooms, continued to teach art, ventured into doing the baby and photography classes, started seriously planning to make a sibling, or two, or three for my kid, continued volunteering as much time possible with the kid's school, girl scouts and a local magazine, inherited another dog, continued to up the amount of photo shoots i do, created a website, a fb fan page and a twitter account as well as ran ad's, revamped my business cards and marketing materials, had h1n1 and fell in love all over again with my fiance.

it's been a really busy year, really incredible, year. (well, minus the h1n1.)

but now, it's time to focus all of that energy back in the home, and the soul, and a quiet mind and back in my photography, as a business, not just a hobby. and it's time to have some summer time fun with my kid. and to grill out. and to go to the cabin. and to work part-time. and to breathe. and to breath. and to breathe some more. (today, the air was amazing. and it cleared my mind and made me look behind at all the distance i've been traveling. it was wonderful. after i stopped freaking out about being completely overwhelmed, that is...)

so, it's late. and i think i'm tired. it's a great feeling :)

whine, whine, wine?

(two of my latest favorites...)

yep. i'm still cranky. and that's all there is to it.

i'm trying to combat the sleep depravity with getting more than five hours of sleep per night and trying to stick to a regular running/biking/blading/walking schedule to keep all those endorphins flowing. this week though, it's just not working so much. but, there's always next week. (i swear. i say that every damn week lately. at least i'm an optimist. kinda.)

either way. i just keep moving...that way, stopping isn't an option--because as soon as i stop, as ridiculous as it sounds, i get overwhelmed.

next week, my schedule changes. not necessarily for the better but, in theory, it should be feel better changes. (i have a less regimented schedule but almost as much work...however, i will get my late nights back and that's when i work best. getting up at 530 everyday kills my most productive time and leaves me staying up way too late and fighting the tired...creating this domino effect i seem to be stuck in lately.)

anyway, enough whining. i updated my other blog. i'm not mentioning that so you'll all rush over there...i'm mentioning it so i don't feel like a total dead beat.