aventura

(mostly, i reside way out there. in the outfield. staring at the clouds...)

frick. just frick.

i'm taking something to sleep tonight. i have to make my mind be quiet for a bit. it's just so loud lately. so many questions. so few answers. so much wonder. so little definite. so much positive radiating from me. so much happy. so many smiles--they're mostly cuz i don't feel i speak the language lately and smiling seems quite universal--but, regardless, i'm still smiling so much it hurts.

no time to stop though--just have to keep swimming i spose. somethin will eat me. probably. gotta keep my eye on the prize. gotta keep the focus where it needs to be. can't stop swimming. can't float off. gotta stay grounded.

*sigh*

i just keep telling myself that my problem isn't that i'm an idiot or that i'm insane...it's really that i'm full of passion and depth. and ya know...i should really just face it...my IQ is only slightly higher than that houseplant and i'm more frickin insane than that mad hatter man from alice's adventure. no if's, and's or but's. it's just the way it is. no sugar coatin the truth i spose.

but...how do i fix a part of me that makes up who i am, just so i can stay who i am...? is it broken then? or has it just become me? like a tree growing through a tire? it's just there...

ok...so that sleeping pill kicked in and it has invaded my brain, like a snake. there ar no straight thoughts or right answers with me right now...at least that's what the zinnia's are saying...i may just go listen to them for while. my keyboard is warped and pissing me off anyawy.