yuck...shiver...

(some of the last flowers in my yard...)

yeah, so instead of caring too much about the stupid (ok, important) v.p. debate tonight, i got drunk, played mario kart and ate skittles instead.

look, i've been at work for the last 12 days of my life. two days off is worth the jim beam. (i hate that shit btw...)

david duchovny, why don't you love me? again...

(it's almost time for the green to be gone. i love it when the green's gone)

i should be sleeping...or at least trying to sleep right now but californication is on and well...david duchovny is great.

ok, so why do so many of my posts lead back to david duchovny?

because i love him, i think.

that's why.

i'm so burnt

(i love babies...i don't miss having one though)

sorry. i meant to blog again last night. the kid was listening to her xm kids station and could not fall asleep. i was exhausted, so i did fall asleep.

only three more days at work until i get a weekend. i really need two days off.

conjunction junction, what's your function

so i went to the 'ol ball game tonight. it was cool but danged expensive. 4.00 for a bottle of water was the norm. what? yep. really.

i'm tired tonight. yesterday my internet wasn't working so i couldn't blog....which i took as a sign to just go to sleep. i have to say, i am a bit burnt out lately. today, the thought of going to the ball game was, well, annoying. i mean, with all the other shit that needs to get done....i just didn't deem it necessary to try to squeeze the game in. however, an excited five year old is a really hard person to convince that going home to do laundry is actually the best idea. so i went and i enjoyed it. i'm thankful my dad had the idea and means to make it happen. today was the first afternoon i've had free in a week and will again for five days. it sucks.

i'm going to go now. and drink more water. and lay down. i'm sleepy and not making much sense. and writing in super short sentences. because that's how my mind is working right now. well, not that all my sentence's are even really sentences because some start with 'and' and 'because' but still...you get the jist of it.

ten million buck please

so, lindsey lohan's gay. and so is clay aitken. and david blaine just did something insanely ridiculous and incredibly un-entertaining, again.

and just when i think i've seen it all, and am shocked by it too...i read on cnn.com that some fats help your heart and some fats harm it...!
no way.
wow.
i mean, i wonder what fats could harm it? surely not fast food type fats, right? OMG...they're saying that's the kind that does it?! jeez. whoulda thunk it?

and to think, google actually has to offer ten million bucks for helpful ideas...amazing...i bet they'll never get one. oh wait, i gotta good one. get rid of david blaine. he's annoying. sorry google, but until sexuality and stupidity stop making headlines on reputable news stations, maybe someone will come up with a good idea.

good freakin thing benjamin franklin didn't have the intermess. we'd probably still be in the dark...after all, he may have learned thomas jefferson was screwing a slave (if pictures popped up on tmz or video surfaced on youtube that is) and then spend three hours clicking stumble (i love stumble btw...) before driving his SUV two blocks to micky d's, gettin himself a big mac and coming home only to turn on america's next top model.

whew. i feel better now. like a lot better.

one of lifes many little lessons...or not

(rainy city night...)

i meant to blog last night. i really did. but, you see, this snarky little attitude i have toward life and responsibilities lately led me to consume a bottle of wine on a fairly empty stomach. i stayed up until midnight playing rockband and being generally annoying. (ya know, it all started because i couldn't fit the bottle of wine back in the fridge after adding a lunch box and a costco tub of grapes.)

here's what i hate the most about the morning after i comit liver suicide:

-the unquenchable thirst. it sucks. i can't get enough liquids in me, period. right now, i'm drinking my second thermos full of pink lemonade. (water never tastes good the next morning either.) i would love some orange juice and am pondering changing in all of my pennies in order to come up with the silver money needed to purchase some from the vending machine. if that didn't make me look so insanely ghetto to my co-workers, who would be trading me for the silver, i would have by now.

-the sore. i fell asleep last night and never moved. not even once. my muscles are definetely reminding me of that today.

-the hunger. ok, well that mostly comes from the fact i didn't eat last night, but still; normally, if i go to bed without eating, i wake up pretty ok--grab some fruit and a granola bar and start the day off in a healthy way. if i drink though, i wake up and eat anything and everything. so far, i have had a bagel and a bag of chips. (that, on top of the two thermos's of lemonade, has me considering going home sick today.)

-the fact that i feel fairly decent this morning. within an hour or two, and a cup of coffee or two, i will be completely back to normal. like watering a wilted flower...i just perk back up. why is that a bad thing you ask? because it's not bad enough to make me remember to never do it again. i mean, this little part of me wishes my head would throb so bad that i would puke all over my desk and then pass out in it, only to be found by my boss. ok, no, i don't really wish that, but that sure would make me remember to never do it again. right now...i'm simply a wilted flower. granted i haven't done a ton of work yet so we'll see how my concentration levels are but still, i guarantee you it wouldn't be enough to make me never drink a bottle of wine on an empty stomach on a monday night again.

this isn't going to be my life

(i love these like i haven't loved anything i've done in a long time)

tonight, while driving down the 40 mile long, 70 mile per hour river of concrete that leads me home, i started feeling just, well, stressed.

i am so sick of this treading water feeling. in every aspect of my life i am simply treading...and i think i'm starting to drown. my legs are getting cramped.

relationship...yep. treading.

work...yep. treading there too.

finances...yep. treading, no wait, drowning there.

it sucks. like, super sucks. i'm always late. always not feeling like enough. always broke. always rushed. always lacking. always never enough. i don't have a bail out by any means and i'm not sure i'm enough to be it all to them all. i just feel so damn alone in all this.

in the time being, while treading water, i keep forgetting about me. i'm so concerned about the leg cramps i can't focus on being hungry, or lonely, or tired, or sick, or bored. i just have to keep treading.

i am not willing to except this as the norm. apparently, i need to find a way out of this shit before i really do drown...



YAY alec baldwin. he just won an emmy. 30 rock is such an effin good show.



wow. that's my a.d.d for ya. welcome to it.