david duchovny, why don't you love me?

(please excuse the tripod-less pic of one of my favorite foods...once, a long time ago, while, um, let's just say, somewhere up in the clouds, i decided fried egg whites with fried cheese on top would be great. turns out, it is)

tonight, i was handed 150 dollars and told to leave. i've been here, inside, for days taking care of my guy who just had surgery and my kid who is well, acting as if we've been stuck inside for days. it was the nicest thing ever. i went clearance shopping and got new sketcher shoes, two skirts, a pair of plaid pants, lotion, a red necklace, a bra, two shirts, mascara, a couple of lip glosses, a hair thingy and slew of bath/shower stuff. i spent 100 and called it a night. i hate being appeased by shopping. i really do, but i'm telling you...i went from cooped up and bored feeling to fresh, new and flirty feeling. it's so weird. i'm glad i only do this about once or twice a year. i would be so broke...well, even broker...otherwise. i love, more than buying stuff, just looking for deals. it's like treasure hunting...it's why i love garage sales so much.

on a totally unrelated note...i happen to be on this mark wahlberg kick lately. right now i'm watching boogie nights. last night it was rockstar. ya know, those two movies are so similar in so many ways. the main difference is one highlights a young up-and-comer into the rock world. the other one highlights a young up-and-comer into the world or porn...hmmm, when ya think about it...i guess that's kinda the same anyway, huh? oh, and on an only somewhat related note, due to my recent discovery of the show californication, my david duchovny obsession has returned. i don't know what it is about that sexy beast of a man, but dammit he's hot. he's so much hotter now than ever before. i even found myself walking down an isle in target tonight fantasizing about him. mr. duchovny dominated my 90's, and now...my manly mulder is back...and hot damn is he sexy in californication. ewww...i talk like a freak when i talk about him. i don't know what happens to me. sorry.

all that glitters is gold

when i was like five, maybe six, or possibly even seven, i used to be a photographer. my specialty was portraits...group portraits to be exact. i would round up either my favorite, most photogenic, or prettiest colored stuffed animals and then hunt around my apartment for the ideal shooting location. it usually fell under a house plant of some sort; or, near our third story window that overlooked a sea of potholed black top...the scenery, to a child, is always beautiful in the imagination. i would take my time lining everyone up either from tallest to shortest, shortest to tallest, based on color or, as superficial as this may be, based on favoritism and then i would snap away. the result was always perfection in my eyes...the same eyes that viewed that bumpy black gravel as an ocean of diamonds and glitter in the hot july sun mind you. sometimes, i would cut the head off of someone, or shoot things way too low but, in the end, i was always satisfied. i still have those pictures. they live at my dad's house now. all of my childhood models lived there as well until the great lighting bolt and consequent fire of '02. it destroyed them all, except for maybe three. the little guy pictured above is one of the survivors. he's always been a favorite. purchased from a garage sale back in the mid-eighties, he's been with me for twenty or so years now--and he still smells of the same strange funk he's always smelled of. garage sale stuffed animals just scream germs...so one day, my mom threw him in the laundry. when he came out, the smell emanating from him was indescribable. he's filled with beans so it was a damp, soaked bean smell that haunted my entire room for months, but i never minded it. in fact, being that he was such a favorite, for so many years, i actually grew to somewhat enjoy the stench. still, to this day, i catch myself taking a big whiff of that little guy just to again see that glitter in the rocky asphalt of life.

love, thank you for looking at me as i looked at those stuffed animals...and thank you for believing in who i am instead of focusing on what i'm not. thank you for fueling me to go further than anyone else ever has and thank you for investing in me...

green eggs and ham...how tired i am

(both my grandma and i got my kid flowers for her birthday...simplicity is so beautiful, and so appreciated)

ya know, i can't help but reading all of these reports talking about foreclosure rates skyrocketing, inflation at the pumps and the ever rising prices of groceries--without thinking somewhere deep down...well, no effin shit america. i mean seriously. every balloon deflates eventually, just ask any pre-schooler.

everything we do keeps getting bigger: our jeeps are now hummers, our size eight is now a fourteen, our large is now king size...well, you get it...all i'm saying is, no effin shit america. what's going to suck the most about the impending recession is all the panicky idiots who think that life is over as we know it and that we're all doomed...well, i for one think, it's about damn time we catch up to the rest of the world.

we're not kings, our roads are really not made of gold; well, visa says they are...and, if we would have woken up from our immigrant disillusionment 100 years ago, maybe, just maybe, we all wouldn't be in so much debt and trouble now. yes, rising prices suck. yes, four dollars a gallon is going to blow, but ya know what...cut back. buy your veggies from a market, take a bus every once in awhile, save those old sour cream containers for something, grow your own flowers, get crafty and get creative. the ever-suffering environment will benefit and you might actually even out in the old checkbook. this isn't rocket science and it's not that big of a deal...it's just a change.

how did we, in the last 80 years, go so high and are now falling so low? seriously, that is like an all time, in the history of the world, kind of pathetic. even dinosaurs, with their walnut sized brains, managed to somehow rule the earth for over 160 million years and america goes 80 years before screwing up? now, i'm not cutting everybody down, but obviously, it's the vast majority of us with an issue, otherwise cnn's top story tonight wouldn't be this exact topic. (guess what website i just came from?) and no, i'm not getting all dark and stuff here, but i am concerned. my kid is going to grow up and someday be talking about the good old days when we used to eat at restaurants once a week and go to stores with aisles full of food and how now it's just something the chinese get to do. wow...that did get a little dark and stuff...oopsie.

look, all i'm saying is that if we just would have started doing the right thing years ago we wouldn't be where we're at now. one day, we're going to be saying that about our planet too at this rate. humans, for as smart as we are, are so ridiculously stupid.

ya know, as i wrote that, i started to feel a bit guilty for being just another one of those bloggers--just narcissistic-ly littering the internet with their grandiose ideals, incessant bitching, unremitting whining (all served with a side with a hippy-dippy, can-do attitude by the way), and then i thought...damn straight. yes, i am one of those (and throw your hands up to the soldiers with a big whoop-whoop for giving me the ability so express this bullshit i continuously exude). nah, i'm not too proud of it (being one of those bloggers that is), but damn am i proud to be writing again on a daily basis. i haven't done that since the emo-years, aka, high school when the poetry spewing out of me could only be likened to that of a black make-up wearing, skate-board riding, my chemical romance listening dr. suess. i don't think anyone, ever, came up with more rhymes for the words lost, love, hurt and cry than myself, thank you very much, and then i kinda stopped. like, eh, the drama's gone, i'm livin the daily grind, guess i should just talk american idol and force the grey cube of fulfillment into my circular life...only to wind up miserable and on happy pills in a few years. what's funny about that is that, even though i'm blogging about this shit that makes me kinda nauseous, i'm still feeling better than i have since i wrote all that cracked out dr. suess melodrama while wearing a flannel shirt and listening to TLC. (not that my writing was ever good...but it did scratch that itch that only words can do for me.) jogging works for some i guess and writing works for me. oh, and speaking of jogging, i really need to do some of that too.

oh, an this blog got really long because my man had surgery today and keeps 'falling asleep' every time i start to talk to him...yep, it must be the percocet baby...must be.

a bun in the oven and a loaf with a bow

(yard skiing on a sunny day...it was my little one's first time on ski's. she loved it)

i've decided to become a bread maker.

you see, i've always wanted a trade. like to be a blacksmith or a horse-shoer or a tailor. so, i've decided, thanks in part to martha stuart's magazine, to become a bread maker. it combines my deep love of baking with my lack of funds...not to mention, my hearty enjoyment of different breads...so it's perfect i say! all i need is a kitchen scale to begin the journey into the yeasty abyss that awaits me, beckoning me to rise within the depths of the warmth surrounding me. sorry...i don't know what that was either...i verbally puke here and there...excuse me.

anyway...iris the bread maker. i like it. i'm crafty--i'll need to make a symbol or something though. plus, the number one bonus of all of this...my house will always smell like fresh baked bread.

i plan on wrapping my gourmet, melt-in-your mouth, perfectly textured breads in bows for christmas and hand long loaves of french bread out to everyone i know...along with a collection of gourmet jams or something.

seriously. this is what i want to do...i'm even sober as i write this, i swear. i'm going to hopefully start on this mission tomorrow...i need to get a starter going and apparently those take like a day or two to get all fermenty and stuff...oooh, i'm so excited!

no title...i just turned the tv on and it killed my creativity ok...

(i went for a drive today...i have yet to figure out where i was)

yesterday, i didn't blog. there were a few reasons contributing to my lack of internet input. first, it was just a long day. my kid had her first actual birthday party and it wore me out more than i ever thought it would. thank god for parental support from the parents who have been through this before. i needed some support yesterday and much assistance. i didn't think i would; after all, how hard could it be to keep track of seven children, plus hold conversation, plus serve food, plus help with presents, plus take pictures, plus communicate with the girl leading the kids through their activities, plus get a bite to eat for myself...? thank god for support. it was a great first party though...my kid has memories of her family and her friends and of being the star for the day...it was all so wonderfully worth it.

so yeah, that was reason one.

then, there was reason two...my computer finally bit the dust. it was a long time coming. due to my inability to remember past lessons learned, i really screwed it up...again. my man, being the genius he is, backed all my pics up, wiped my whole computer clean and re-built everything. he did all of this in like an hour. but, by that point i was still so exhausted from the party (and all the rock band i played while trying to relax from the party), that the thought of figuring out all the new computer stuff and writing seemed impossible.

and there, that was reason two.
and finally, here comes reason three...

after an internet free day, i decided to keep it that way. it was wonderful not checking the news or my e-mail and it's amazing how little i really care.

so there, my three reasons for not being around yesterday. i'm off to watch some californication right now. this show is so freakin awesome.

give and take

nothing seems to be working this week and at midnight, on saturday night, i finally give up. no, i have no pic, but i do finally have a working cell phone. no, i have not found my work keys and name badge but i did finally find my house keys and wallet.

oh well. i try.

democracy sucks when you're the one out-voted

two things happened today that led to my dog wearing that shirt: first, target's super clearance rack. second, being out-voted by both my guy and kid. i think dogs in shirts are ridiculous looking. i mean, they just are. they have fur...we don't...we wear clothes, they don't.

his shirt says: what happens on the sidewalk, stays on the sidewalk. all right, so it might be a little funny. but only a little.