'night

okay. i don't have much to say. (as most times i start rambling.) but i had to say that today...the whole workshop/corporate/blah thing went amazing. i have never been more welcomed into a community as i was with my new coworkers; people even went out of their way to welcome me to the staff and offer any assistance, at any time. it was wonderful. i get to actually see my office and figure out where everything is at my school on monday; i am beyond excited. it hit me today...for the first time in my life, i get to call principals and teachers by their first name...they're now my coworkers :) i am so excited to jump in and see what i can do around that place.

and uhm. that's all.

oh. the random photos above...here's what happened. so, i was driving along in my automobile and i saw free stuff. and i love free stuff. i randomly pick it up...only if i have an immediate use for it, if the material can be re-finished, oh, and if it smells good. so yes, i was driving, and i saw it, and i did a u-turn in the middle of the street because i had to pick up the above photoed piece. i'll admit, it's not the most sturdy piece, but it's versatile and beautiful looking...so, it's a winner. i got it home, repaired the broken arm, washed it, sanded it and will be re-painting, distressing and sealing it this weekend. i'm thinking a rusty orange...but i have no idea yet. the other picture is what happened to my legs (excuse the fatness of them); though my shirt, arms and face were just as bad. (i'm actually still blowing black dust from my nose.) the last picture is when i finally quit and made dinner. i figured i should feed my kid at some point.

i'm sure i'll post more eventually...but for now, i'm completely boring myself in my writing. i've been chattin' with an old friend and would like to keep devoting time to her and not be all distracted; plus, with the new job and stuff i'm feeling kinda floaty and focused elsewhere.

these are the voyages...

(been shootin...just not posting...)

so, uhm...in totally unrelated news, i'm going back to the cube. i know, i know...i remember last time too--this is different though, i swear.

this cube is within a school that's ten miles away, on the back roads, and allows me all the same time off as my kid, plus allows me to be with her before and after school, plus allows me to still teach the middle school art class that i love and don't want to give up.

i'm not sure how this all came about, nor why i was chosen to be hired--but i have been beyond thankful and feeling incredibly blessed to be able to combine talents, passions and career. (i also thank all my 'wasted' time volunteering places...as what i am hired to do works directly with parent volunteers--much like what i was, during my girl scout camp adventures.)

anyway...tomorrow, i'm back in business attire and attending a workshop. i think i'm okay with this, though part of me feels as if i'm simply returning to corporate from a two year long vacation--for now though, i'll continue to watch this episode of star trek and regret not feeding myself better today.

laundry day

the above collection of photos are from a series entitled, 'procrastination'.

i got a little laundry done. kinda.

hey. read somethin'.

(yeah. i got nothin' today...so, random screenshot that illustrates my log entry below, it is...)

really great blogs for the not 'normal' person.
(yeah. you. you're not 'normal' and pretending and boasting about how you really ARE normal actually makes you crazier. yup. it does, cuz i said so and so would any doctor. and it's so obvious. being so embarrassed that you have to lie to yourself and others needs to end. it's time. it's not weakness. now. go read. and have a laugh at your own expense. or connect with someone who makes you think deeper about who you actually are and maybe brings you closer to that perfectly not normal self that you are. it's okay. )

(not-normal-person...aka: anyone dealing with any depression/anxiety ((raises hand))/overcreativity-that-manifests-into-insanity-if-not-fully-used-in-a-timely-manor ((raises hand, again))/ADHD ((raises hand and then uses said hand to grab another project that'll undoubtedly never be finished))/postpartum/bipolar/alcoholism, and therapies/treatments/stigma's and coping techniques surrounding all of the above listed.

ya know, now that i think of it, with all that stuff listed above...maybe 'normal' is the minority making all of the above the 'norm'? i mean really...who the hell is 'regular?' everyone's something. i like reading the words of people who aren't ashamed of who they are...makes me feel proud of me, in all my whiny, codependent, ocd, adhd, sorta ways :) (well, not like carry a flag kinda proud, but more like not hide it under a big 'ol sweatshirt sorta proud.)

so yeah, go read! i'm loving what i'm finding within those bloggy walls...

i'll get over it. like always.

(a little collage from the week...)

since last sunday, i have driven just about 500 miles, hiked through severe storms and heat advisory's with a girl scout troop, mowed a half acre lawn, made a cake for one get together and dinner for seven people at another one, cleaned my house, handmade some cards, hosted a super fun sleepover, attended and supplied food for a potluck family reunion, taken in (and bathed) my dad's dog while he's in sturgis and attended a big, welcome home/happy bday party with people i didn't even know.

and this past week felt wonderful until i got yelled at because i didn't bathe the dog in time, and she lives with cats, and my guy's allergic to cat's, and i had to be an hour late to my family reunion because he didn't sleep good. it felt like punishment and i'm still upset about it and it kind of ruined that feeling of accomplishment i had...i mean, not totally, but i feel like people focus on flaws for longer than they focus on positives. focusing on flaws tends to make others feel better about themselves, maybe? i think it's natural, but knowing that the one thing i screwed up on, was the reason i showed up an hour late for something that was important to me, and my other family members, sucks. i showed up stressed. and embarrassed. and with my self-esteem lacking. and completely insecure about how i looked.

this feeling of not being good enough is absolutely my biggest weakness...that's no secret to anyone who knows me. i need to work harder on that apparently; but, for now, i should really apologize about still being upset, because this weekend's been hard to get through because of me.

day two, rain delay

well. day two of camp came and went. the pictures above pretty much say it all...we showed up and the one road in was blocked by a fallen tree and stuck van. i spent an hour, in the pouring rain, helping to free the driver and watch the extra kids (whose parents were also helping) as well as relay messages to the buses of girls showing up and waiting on word as to what to do next. bottom line, day two, i ended up soaked and muddy and, again, super thankful for waterproof hiking boots.

ugh.

tomorrow, the weather isn't calling for massive t-storms and copious amounts of rain. thank goodness too; i'm gettin' sick of being soggy.

tomorrow also calls for an out-of-town-family, dinner (after camp), and it'd be super nice to not show up all drowned-rat looking. i'll bring a change of clothes, to keep in the car (so i can pack my cams) and i've got my hair twisted now and should, in theory, just be able to pull it down, along the way tomorrow, for some rockin' curls.

woah. why am i writing about my hair plans? how boring. well, see...i'm watching this show called, 'heavy', so, i'm slightly distracted. it's not the best show ever, or anything, but i keep losing my train of thought with this blog. maybe that's a sign i should wrap it up...

it was, well, a day

(this was the aftermath of the storm i hiked through. why do i not hike more? i mean, minus the storms and stuff...)

girl scout camp: day one.

well...actually it all started with night one. i had a major issue (near breakdown) because i couldn't fit both my film and digi camera in my backpack without losing something major, like water or rain gear. my guy figured out a great way to strap my thermos into the tripod straps and it totally worked and i said screw the rain gear. however, when i got up today, it was pouring...so, to save the camera's, and myself, i was forced to swap them out for the 'ol poncho. (which, btw, turned out to be a solid idea, considering i found myself in the middle of the woods, hiking through a severe thunder storm warning. i've never seen so many bolts of lightening, up so closely. it was gorgeous and yes...totally unsafe.) i had amazing hiking boots on, 100% waterproof, which completely saved my day. i couldn't imagine that final hike with soaked feet; or, going through the day that way. it literally rained from the moment we got there until the moment we left.)

tomorrow will (should) be better? the trick now though...drying my backpack enough to pack both camera's...who needs rain gear?