in my mind and in my car, we can't rewind we've gone to far...

(my backyard is a'bloom...that sounded stupid...i know)

it's a disturbing day when paris hilton's energy policy makes more sense than anyone else's. come on obama and mccain...listen to the porn star billionaire who's dating the punk rocker with all those tattoos...she actually makes sense.

i should be asleep...

maybe i just needed a nice, flowery moo moo

(just one of the many...)

i had a really nice shoot tonight with a really nice family :) i definitely remembered, once again, why i don't care to be pregnant. i mean, i see these other pregnant woman and they look so beautiful. their clothes flatter them, their hair looks great and they just, well, seem to glow.

and then i think about me being pregnant.

i became a giant...i never just the whole put on a belly. my arms, my legs, my feet, my hips, my fingers, my face...yeah, it all expanded quite rapidly and i would just waddle around running into everything-- sending things crashing to the floor left and right. i never glowed, i sweated profusely and my hair, well i hated it because it always felt greasy, so both times i cut it all off--like that would make me look better or something...nope, i just appeared to be a cross dressing man with a weight problem and enormous beer belly then. i was emotionally unstable...one minute crying because i hit two lights red in a row and was sure the whole world was against me and it wasn't fair, to laughing hysterically at the fact i had actually just thought the whole world was actually against me because i hit two lights red in a row. my clothes always felt incredibly unsexy, nothing about me ever felt cute or cuddly and whenever i would drop food, it would inevitably wind up finding a home on my massively protruding gut--leaving a trashy little grease stain for all the world to see.

then again, one would expect an overweight man with a beer gut the size of a pregnant woman's belly to have a grease stain or two i suppose...

aren't you bald yet...?

day two of having abbie around went well. this dog sheds like crazy though. i figure if i just vacuum like eight times a day it should be ok. and she doesn't shed like a hair or two here and there...it's more like a clump or two here and there. my dad made it to sturgis and he called to say hi, though i think it was more of a check-up-on-abbie call. either way...i'll take it. i always worry about him driving all that way on his bike...sans the helmet. he doesn't believe in them.

i'm feeling stress in life lately. i don't know why. it's probably money...i actually spent some this time. it's like this i can't catch up stress that i'm struggling with and trying to combat before the inevitable melt down. these next couple of weeks are going to be pretty busy for me--i like being busy, but these upcoming weeks aren't really going to be full of the busy-ness i like. it's the busy-ness that feels confusing, smothering and chaotic. it's got me to the point where i'm constantly wrestling with these, 'is/was it even worth it' questions. i don't wrestle with those ever...i just do it and deal with it later...if i feel like it. i have really exciting things going on too, but they feel a bit overshadowed by the negative i'm feeling. it's hard not to get consumed in the negative, no matter how positively you look at life on a general basis. it's all for the best...i keep telling myself that. i'm just waiting to really feel like that too...

the adventures of abbie and iris

well, my dad left for sturgis.

my job, while he's gone, is to babysit abbie: his big, black, furry, wild mutt of a dog...who also happens to be the sweetest, funniest, softest, teddy bear of a dog ever. first thing she got, upon entering my house, was a bath. no, she didn't really stink that bad or anything (according to my dad anyway), but after a bath free summer--that's included lots of dead fish rolling and slimy frog munching-- i figured she was due. my dad is a total bachelor who really doesn't mind the smell but me, as a mom, minds it quite a lot. the worst smell my house typically encounters is a rotten glass of milk left around by the kid...er, ok, well, maybe me too here and there.

the only problem is that i just keep having this dilemma with her 'baby'. that thing is the nastiest, smelliest, dirtiest, used-to-be pink-but-is-now-poopy brown bunny ever. it's terrible. it's still in the bed of my truck. i'm thinking tomorrow i may just put in in the back yard for her and hope she doesn't try to smuggle it inside. (though i know she will.)

she also has this thing where she truly believes she is a lap dog. tonight, while playing mario kart with my kid, she stood up, looked at me and in almost slow motion, climbed up onto my recliner, stood on top of me and lazily circled three doggy circles before laying right across my lap. the only problem with this whole thing is that she weighs just about 70 lbs. i didn't have the heart to tell her to move. i know she's feeling a little depressed...she had a really rough start in life; she was bounced from home to home and was beat up pretty bad...she has separation issues. her and my dad are so close; he fork feeds her occasionally and sleeps with her under the blankets if she's cold. i was the one who brought her home to him in '00 and i lived with her for a couple of years so she's quite used to me, but it's still hard on her. in a day or two i think she'll be better...either way, i do enjoy having her around.

it's like christmas...only better

well, i got the new lens :) it's so cool. serious. i'm such a little kid about all this...but it's so exciting. all my pics were done in my back yard with it today...my new tripod came too. it's so cool. serious.

i contemplated calling into work tomorrow due to it. then i remembered that i'm now 900.00 in the hole so, if anything, i should be staying there late...like REALLY late. like see ya in the fall kinda late...

i'm still trying to find out where the spider is that made that massive web, btw. i bet it looks really cool...the spider, that is...the web is awesome.

*snore*

(a new painting given to me by a great friend)

i couldn't post last night due to a sleep over.

my kid had her best friend here and they wanted to watch a movie...and since, according to the five year old, i'm a terrible mom who won't let her have a tv in her room, i borrowed the kids my laptop to watch their movie on.

anyway...i'll write more tomorrow...tonight, after a great day of friends, video games and pizza delivery, i'm exhausted...